C.C.C. Issue #13: Top Ten Worst Movies Theatrically Released

 C.C.C. Issue #13: Top Ten Worst Theatrically Released Movies

In this issue of C.C.C, I'm looking at movies that are so terrible, so appalling, they aren't even in the category of so bad they're good. With so many to choose from, I created two lists: this one, and the worst direct to DVD movies ever, which will be out next week!

Top Ten Worst Theatrically Released Movies

For some reason, I like bad movies. More precisely, I like movies that are so bad they become entertaining—usually because they are hilarious. These ten, though, are just bad. These are the worst of the worst as far as films that received a wide release in theaters (there are so many bad direct to DVD films it requires a separate list). If you haven’t seen these ten atrocities, I’m warning you to keep it that way.

Criteria: Must have bad critic ratings and be considered terrible by people who I have shown it to, seen it with, or know who have seen it. Must also have been released in major theaters, not a limited release.

10. Jaws: The Revenge

Steven Spielberg’s classic blockbuster Jaws is highly regarded as one of the greatest movies of all time (I happen to strongly agree). Jaws 2 was the inevitable sequel to capitalize on the first one’s success, and it wasn’t terrible, nor was it great. Jaws 3, originally released in the now outdated anaglyph 3D, was a miserable film where things started to get really bad. Then, somehow, Jaws: The Revenge (a sequel to one of the best movies ever, don’t forget) became one of the worst films of all time. When the mechanical shark roars like a T.rex and is unintentionally able to fly, you know the movie sucks. I could begin dissecting the terribleness by pointing out this shark trying to get revenge isn’t even the same one from the first movie, but then I would be at this forever. I still have nine more abominations to talk about. 

9. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

It doesn’t really matter which Transformers movie I put on this list; they’re all poor adaptations of the cartoons, but people don’t care about that. Apparently they want big explosions and Shia LaBeouf screaming like a little girl (we’ve seen it three times, now). The first movie was forgivable in that it had decent visual effects and action, but little else. The one film from Michael Bay’s original trilogy that angered me the most was the second. The first Transformers was big, dumb fun, but at least it was fun. Transformers: ROTF was boring, completely stupid, racist, and (lamest of all) the visual effects were worse than the first. You can’t blame that on the writer’s strike which took place at that time. It’s an inexcusably subpar sequel indeed, especially with a budget so overblown. Transformers: Dark of the Moon may have been an improvement, but that’s like saying it’s better to be thrown into a lake with a concrete block tied to your leg and handed a knife to cut the rope rather than be thrown in without the knife. Either way, it sucks. I can’t wait to not see Transformers: Age of Extinction later this year. 

8. Howard the Duck

 

I guess the first indication that George Lucas shouldn’t have been allowed to make the Star Wars prequel trilogy was when he personally produced Howard the Duck, an adaptation of the Marvel comic of the same name. It follows the adventure of the anthropomorphic duck Howard to earth, where he battles the “dark overlord of the universe”, or something. This movie is terrible in many ways, some of them due to big concepts that just didn’t work, and other little details that are just bizarre. As far as big concepts, the decision to make this a live action film and have a little person play Howard was a bad idea. As for little details, this is a movie targeted at a young audience, right? So why have Howard reading a Playduck magazine at the beginning of the film? Why show a half naked duck lady taking a bath? Why did George Lucas think this movie was a good idea?! The most depressing thing is, despite the fact that this movie is supremely terrible, it isn’t even the worst. This is only number eight, and let me tell you, it’s not going to get any better from here. 

7. The Happening

Worst M. Night Shyamalan movie? Take your pick: The Last Airbender, After Earth, The Village? How about The Happening? Remember that one, where the grass releases a chemical which made people want to kill themselves? I wish I didn’t remember. Everything that is meant to be scary comes out being unintentionally funny, but the deaths are surely the funniest. A man lies down in front of his lawnmower, another guy opens the cage to the lion pen at the zoo and the lion bites him around the neck, and there are many other stupid kills which I have forgotten about. I remember this movie being released on Friday the 13^th, and it was made extremely clear in the advertising. You would think M. Night Shyamalan had enough bad luck, but I guess the studio felt differently. Including a beyond absurd plot, Mark Wahlberg’s worst performance, stupid characters, and just general stupidity, I wonder how such a bad movie like this ever happened in the first place. 

6. Catwoman

 

So besides Halle Berry wearing a skin tight leather outfit, what was good about Catwoman...? I can safely say it wasn’t her razzie-winning performance. It wasn’t her completely made up cat super powers, either. Was it the special effects? Nope, not those either. Anything else? No? So to sum up, Catwoman was bad all around. Next! 

5. Batman and Robin

The first omen that a bad Batman movie was coming was when Joel Schumacher replaced Tim Burton as director on 1995’s Batman: Forever. It wasn’t a terrible film, but it did introduce Robin and had a less sturdy story than Batman or Batman Returns. In Batman and Robin, Schumacher trades in great action and characters for a plethora of terrible one-liners, cartoony depictions of the characters, and bat nipples. Yup, bat nipples. Oh, and codpieces. None of the characters work, the casting is extremely questionable, and the dialogue painful. The only superhero movie worse than Catwoman, is this movie one. At first I thought it might teeter on the line of so bad it’s good, but I now understand Batman and Robin was an attempt to make a Batman movie more like the TV series from the sixties. And no, it wasn’t a good idea. 

4. Battlefield Earth

What could go wrong in adapting L. Ron Hubbard’s futuristic sci-fi novel about aliens that have taken over humanity? At the crack of the century, this John Travolta-starring turkey came out and was universally panned by critics and audiences alike, for basically all aspects of the film. The thing I hate the most is the ridiculous camera angles. It’s like the director had a broken tri pod; I don’t think there’s a single frame of the film that isn’t tilted or skewed. My guess is that Travolta regrets having invested millions of his own dollars into what has become renowned as the worst film of 2000, and one of the worst films of all time. Cringe inducing dialogue, lame special effects, and a bland plot all add up to make one seriously misguided and appalling film. 

3. Ghost rider/Ghost rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance

Why pick one or the other? Both Ghost Rider films are terrible! Bad cgi, stupid story, and even Nicholas Cage stoops to new lows here. Seeing behind the scenes footage of the directors filming Ghost Rider 2 absolutely baffled me. They shot some of the chase scenes wearing roller blades. They were wearing roller blades. While holding the camera. Filming a chase scene. If that doesn’t scream unprofessional, I don’t know what does. It’s almost tempting to recommend watching these two movies if you haven’t seen them because you won’t believe how bad they are (especially true of the second) but unfortunately, once you watch them, there’s no way to get that precious time back, so I can’t recommend it.

2. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2

Babies that are actually brilliant, and have semi-super powers: need I say more? All I can say about this movie is the little story that goes with the one and only time I saw it as a kid. I was about seven or eight, and watched it because, like all stupid kids, thought it looked fun and didn’t know better. I disliked it (even as a child) and later that night, woke up to a ferocious stomach bug and puked my guts out all night. After that, I was gravely sick for over a week—sicker than I had ever been in my life, and I have not been that sick since. Did watching Baby Geniuses 2 cause my illness? Are the two connected? Put it this way, anytime I see a clip from the movie, it makes me queasy. 

1. The Beast of Yucca Flats

 

Many of you might not know about this movie. I didn’t until recently. Years ago, I bought one of those discount DVD collections—those clunky box sets labelled with ‘Over 13 Hours!’ and contain a dozen or so movies jammed into three DVD’s—and the collection was Incredible Monsters. I had bought it for one or two classics, but had never really watched any of the other films it featured. I decided one day to pop in disc one and watched the first film. It was only 54 minutes long, but it felt like an eternity of punishment. This is surely one of the worst movies I have ever seen, if you can even classify it as a movie. Apparently it was originally silent, and narration and dialogue were all added in afterwards. Is it obvious? Well, no character’s mouths are shown when they speak, and the narration is extremely repetitive. I wonder if the director even had a script, or if they were just shooting random scenes in hopes that they would all somehow connect. The opening scene is a woman getting out of the shower, only to be strangled by a man whom we never see. This woman isn’t in the film again, her significance to the plot is never explained, it’s not even confirmed if she was killed by the beast in the title or not! And speaking of the beast, it’s just former wrestler Tor Johnson dressed up in stupid clothes, he isn’t even a legit monster. I’m asking you to just take my word on this. This is such a bad movie, you can save those precious 54 minutes of your life doing something way more constructive, and not waste them like I did. That is my report, may you all avoid The Best of Yucca Flats, as well as the other films on this list.

C.C.C. Issue #12: Top Ten Best Worst Movies

C.C.C. Issue #12: Top Ten Best Worst Movies


Have you ever seen a movie so unfathomably terrible, that you couldn't forget about it, and realized, it was entertaining because it was so bad? These ten movies are sure to fit into the special category of "so bad, it's good".

Top Ten Best Worst Movies

Criteria: must be enjoyable despite being admittedly terrible, level of terribleness goes up along with level of hilarity/entertainment as list gets closer to #1. 

[Dis]Honourable Mention: The Wicker Man (2006). This horror remake nearly made it onto this list, but Nicholas Cage in a bear suit, and shouting "Not the bees!" as bees are poured into a helmet on his head is just too much for me. It's definitely so bad it's good, but I cannot put enough emphasis on the fact that IT IS SO BAD. It's definitely the worst horror remake ever, but not quite a fun enough movie to qualify for this list.

10. Judge Dredd

 

Judge Dredd is a comic book superhero from a dystopian future plagued by crime, but protected by law enforcers called Judges. These Judges act as judge, jury, and executioner, taking out the baddies by shooting first and asking questions later. In 2012, we got Dredd, starring Karl Urban as the title character. It was an action packed adaptation of the comic that catered to the target audience very well. But first, we got Judge Dredd in 1995, starring Sylvester Stallone. To sum up, it was a disappointment critically, commercially, and to fans. However, Judge Dredd is so laughably bad, that it becomes very entertaining. Stallone takes the character way too seriously, as does everyone in the entire film. One of the biggest mistakes made is Dredd constantly removes his helmet. In the comic, this never happens, and luckily 2012’s Dredd got that part right. One scene that always makes me laugh is when Stallone looks up at a building and shouts, “I am, the law!” It is one of the most preposterous things I have ever seen or heard. If you want some serious silliness, you have to check out Judge Dredd. 

9. Planet of Dinosaurs

This seventies sci-fi flick is irrefutably bad. A group of astronauts crash land on a planet very similar to earth, the only problem being its millions of evolutionary years behind, so deadly dinos walk the land. Director James Shea wanted almost the entire budget put toward the dinosaur effects, which resulted in some of the inexperienced cast members not even getting paid. Most didn’t deserve to be paid anyway; no actor or actress gives a performance anywhere close to good in this film. It’s evident the dino effects were top priority, and that’s the film’s saving grace. The plot is semi-original and interesting but ultimately ridiculous, the cast sucks, the props are awful, and the music is a joke. But the dinosaur effects, which are all rendered with stop motion clay animation, are fantastic for its time. They rival Ray Harryhausen’s, a man whose stop motion work stands out as being the greatest of all time. I, being a true fan of this now outdated method, love this movie simply for the great dinosaurs which make for a very fun time. 

8. The Giant Claw

You can find this flick in the DVD box set Icons of Horror Collection - Sam Katzman. One of the most entertaining giant monster movies ever (and surely the funniest), The Giant Claw is about a seventeen million year old giant bird that attacks the world. The scary thing is the plot isn’t the most ridiculous part. It isn’t even the creature’s attack pattern, which the main characters deduce is a spiral. It isn’t even how the characters figure this out, which they do by playing connect the dots with locations the monster has already attacked on a map (they don’t literally play connect the dots, but they may as well have because their deductions are completely idiotic). The scariest part of the whole movie is the monster itself. The giant claw is compared throughout the entire movie to a battleship—you know, one of those great warships with heavy duty guns that cruises the sea? I don’t know what the characters in this movie think I battleship looks like, but I can assure you the monster DOES NOT look anything like one. In reality, the monster was a marionette puppet with feathers glued on and a very weird, forward curving face. It has googly eyes and a tuft of hair on the top of its head. Apparently the actor who played the main character had no idea what the monster looked like until the premiere, and left the theater embarrassed because the audience laughed every time the monster came on screen. I wouldn’t have been embarrassed; in the entire history of giant monster movies, no other has matched The Giant Claw’s unique and pure entertainment value. Definitely terrible but definitely good at the same time, this film is a riot. 

7. Sharktopus

I wrote a review for Sharktopus on Amazon a few years ago and the title was: “It’s exactly what it looks like.” Honestly, there is no better way to sum it up than that. Basically a low budget, straight forward film designed to air late nights on the SyFy channel about some scientists that make a shark/octopus hybrid which runs amok in Mexico. The story of how I got this movie depresses me each time I think about it, but I will re-live the pain to share it with you. I was in Wal-Mart with my best friend and we saw it on the shelf. He said, “You’ve got to get this!”, and I laughed and said no, then he said “You know you’re going to buy this before we leave.” So at the last second before the checkout I go back, look it over once more, and add it to my purchases. I sighed as it went through the checkout and my friend laughed behind me in line. The cashier asked if I wanted it in blu ray, to which I face palmed. Anyway, the movie speaks for itself in terms of utter ridiculousness and outrageousness. The reason it doesn’t rank higher is this film was never intended to be good on purpose, it was supposed to be bad. What separates it from SyFy’s slew of intentionally low budget, campy, poorly acted, poorly thought out sci-fi films is this one is especially preposterous. Watching it with a group of friends is worth some good laughs at least once, but like most of the other films on this list, I don’t recommend watching it solo in case you start thinking while watching.

6. Killer Klowns From Outer Space

You pick the DVD up, look at the two demented clowns on the cover, read the title, and ask yourself: What is this? This is a one-of-a-kind film with perhaps the most absurd plot ever, featuring the giant shoe wearing, tiny car driving, balloon animal experts that scare the hell out of children more than they make them laugh: clowns. Basically, alien klowns (that’s how it’s spelt in the titles) land in a small town in their space craft disguised as a circus tent, and hatch a plot to turn humans into cotton candy. Still with me? There’s more. They have an array of ‘klown technology’, such as popcorn guns and a living balloon dog that can track humans. The only way to kill these klowns, as everyone in the small town eventually realizes, is to pop their big red noses. I won’t completely spoil the surprise at the end of the film, but it puts to rest the question of what the offspring of a clown and Godzilla would look like.  Intentionally campy, Killer Klowns accomplishes what it sets out to be. It is hilarious for what it’s worth, and to watch this with someone who has Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) is even more fun.  

5. Birdemic: Shock and Terror

 

This independent and inexplicable film is supposedly inspired by Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, one of the master of suspense’s best films. Apparently it didn’t inspire much more than birds attacking. I’m not exaggerating when I say the birds featured in this film literally look like cartoon cut outs as they flap around on the screen, squawking. I’m sure when the filmmakers saw the first cut of their movie the first two words that came to mind were shock and terror. When I watched this, I was left completely baffled. There were multiple moments that nearly brought me to tears with laughter. The most contrived love story ever, the most nonsensical opening scene ever, and many other worst ever aspects. The reason Birdemic doesn’t rank higher on this list is it’s literally so bad, that my opinion on it changes from time to time. I’ll watch it and think it’s the absolute epitome of terrible and should be thrown to the birds (couldn’t resist that pun), but then I’ll watch it again and laugh so hard at how screwed up the whole thing is that I put it back into the category of so bad it’s good. I’m making it sound like I’ve seen it many times, but it’s only been a few. I think it’s safe to say Birdemic is a unique gem among the best worst movies. Honestly, I don’t know what else I can say about it. Just go and see for yourself, if you dare.

4. Leprechaun

Intended as a comedy horror film, Leprechaun actually does have its scary qualities. Children could easily be terrified by the mischievous and violent creature, but adults will just laugh at this ridiculous movie. It follows a Leprechaun who is obsessed with his gold coins. In the opening scene, he is shown counting his coins, and discovering that one has gone missing. Leppy tracks the coin down somehow and finds an old man stole it, and in his attempt to try and retrieve it, gets trapped in a box for years when the old man places a four leaf clover on the box. Fast forward to Jennifer Anniston’s character showing up and helping her dad fix up the now rundown house. That’s right, before her Friends fame, Jennifer Anniston was in this low budget horror flick. Soon the Leprechaun is out and about causing all sorts of mischief, much of it intentionally hilarious. There’s a death by pogo stick, hijacking of a play car designed for toddlers, and imitation of cat noises. I don’t want to ruin all the best moments, but I have to mention the ultimate laugh out loud sequence. Leppy runs into a barn and there are bright lights, sawing noises, and much unseen commotion. Everyone stands there waiting to see what he comes out with. You could never have guessed he would drive out on a go-kart with a pitch fork attached to the front. How did he build that in like ten seconds? No one will ever know. Five sequels were made, and though they grew more and more outrageous as the series progressed, you really need to look no further than the original. It’s campy, silly, and downright hilarious. 

3. Troll 2

Probably the most well known of best worst movies, Troll 2 is a cult phenomenon. One of the actors in the film even went on to make his own documentary about his experience working on Troll 2 and the legacy it left, titled Best Worst Movie. It’s worth checking out if you are at all interested in this movie. Basically, a family goes to the town of Nilbog (read that backwards) and things go awry, as they discover a psychotic lady who wants to turn everyone into plants, crazy town locals, and a pack of vicious, spear toting goblins. Oh, what about the trolls you ask? Yeah, there aren’t any. They’re called goblins. I’m not sure why this is called Troll 2, especially since it has nothing to do with the first Troll. One of the reasons this movie was doomed from the start was the director. Being from Italy, he couldn’t speak English worth a damn, so the script was largely incomprehensible. The budget was evidently small, another contributing factor to this movie’s all-around failure. Loaded with unfathomably weird scenes, special-needs special-effects, and tour de force bad acting (this is where the famous clip on YouTube of that guy with glasses screaming “OH MY GOOOOOOD!” comes from), this movie has gotten more recognition than it probably deserves. 

2. Zaat

Coming in at a close second is Zaat, quite literally the ultimate “Z” movie. This is one of those movies that I’ve tried to explain to someone, but I can’t really articulate into a simple, easy to understand summary. So there’s this scientist, and he wants to make a human/fish hybrid, but everyone thinks he’s crazy, so he does it anyway and it’s a success, only he becomes this amphibious creature thing, but he still has a human mind, so he attacks people for some reason, but then he decides he needs a wife, oh and I forgot to mention he has an agenda on an elaborate poster board, and so anyway he captures a woman and tries to turn her into a creature but fails, and the sheriff...see what I mean? What it boils down to is Zaat takes bad to the next level. The costume for the Zaat creature is outrageously bad. The acting is virtually nonexistent. The plot is nearly impossible to follow. Nothing makes sense. Everything is bad. But this movie is great. It’s so over the top and so terrible that it’s hilarious. What makes it distinct is you have to see it to believe it; there are numerous absurd scenes and shockingly incompetent moments. Look for it on DVD and blu ray, also possibly under these alternate titles: The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, Hydra, Attack of the Swamp Creatures, and Legend of the Zaat Monster.

1. The Room

“Oh hai Mark.”

Tommy Wiseau’s The Room wins best worst movie hands down. Perhaps you’ve heard of it, or perhaps you haven’t, which is quite possible since this was an independent feature and cited as 2003’s worst film of the year—often considered one of the worst films of all time. Honestly, that’s not a fair title to give it. The Room was originally intended to be a romantic drama, but I guess at some point in the production they realized how unintentionally comical every scene was, so re-classified it as a black comedy. A black comedy this is not, it is straight up comedic from beginning to end. Supremely bad acting, totally random dialogue, notorious use of ‘green screen’ for the rooftop shots, unsolved plot contrivances, and the list goes on. It’s undeniably bad, but it’s also unforgettable. What I’ve learned from these movies that are so bad they’re good, is that you can’t set out to make a movie as bad as what it eventually becomes. Films intended to be purposefully stupid or corny before they are put into production are, as far as I’m concerned, doomed from the start (I’m looking at you, Sharknado). Films that were supposed to be good and turned out bad often turn into gems. The Room is incomparably bad, but also quotable, amusing, and baffling all at once. Believe it or not, there are actually legions of fans of this movie, who gather to see screenings of it across North America. It seems I meet a new fan of this movie regularly, and that it’s not as much of a cryptic film as it once was. This is largely thanks to The Nostalgia Critic’s comparably hilarious review of the film (although unlike The Room, his review is supposed to be that funny, I recommend watching it). Check out The Room, it will be unlike anything you’ve seen before.

Robocop vs. The Terminator: Movie vs. Movie Issue #2

Movie vs. Movie Issue #2: Robocop (1987) vs. The Terminator (1984)

Robocop and The Terminator are both action staples of the eighties feature badass cyborg characters.  Though both films play up different strengths, they have often been compared and contrasted. They are both revered classics and have legions of devoted fans, but also share similar plot elements and themes. Which film is truly the defining action film of the decade, and which titular character is superior? To truly determine this, each film must be broken down and each piece examined closely.

Right off the bat, The Terminator edges ahead simply because it came out three years before Robocop. Co-written and directed by James Cameron, The Terminator was the jumping off point for numerous careers and an iconic movie character. In the year 2029, decades after a nuclear holocaust referred to as “Judgment Day”, the artificial intelligence defense network Skynet sends its most advanced cyborg model, the T-800 (played by Schwarzenegger) back in time to 1984 L.A. This “Terminator” has been assigned to kill Sarah Conner, the mother of the as of yet unborn John Conner, who will one day lead a resistance against Skynet. If the Terminator can kill Sarah, then John will never be born, and Skynet will be able to exterminate the human race entirely. Sent back at nearly the same time to prevent this from happening, Kyle Reese, a solider sent by the future John Conner, has been assigned to protect Sarah in the past and ensure his birth. On the outside, the Terminator looks human, but peel that flesh away, and it becomes clear what it really is. Like a human form of Mechagodzilla, the Terminator is a cybernetic organism with extreme strength, incredible resilience to damage, and advanced artificial intelligence. Even using future technology and artillery against just one, these things are hard to destroy. Because of the laws of time travel, Kyle can’t bring anything back in time to help him defeat it, so must rely on creative use of twentieth century tech to take the robot down.

Filmed on a low budget—just over six million dollars—it was never expected to be a huge hit. Thanks to some great casting, Cameron’s clever storytelling techniques, and Stan Winston’s bold special effects, The Terminator became a critical and commercial success. It cemented Arnold Schwarzenegger’s status as a buff, man of few words action star, and boosted the careers of Linda Hamilton (as Sarah) and Michael Biehn (as Kyle). It also began James Cameron’s filmmaking career, proving to 20^th Century Fox he was more than capable of bringing his Alien sequel, Aliens, to the big screen. Cameron would collaborate with future wife Linda Hamilton on the sequel Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Schwarzenegger twice more with T2 and True Lies.

Robocop is set in a near future Detroit where the threat of Skynet does not exist. Instead of the threat of an artificial intelligence looming, it is crime that’s out of control, and the police force can’t keep up. There is a huge drug problem, among other things, and Officer Alex Murphy has been transferred to help fight this war on crime. After being blown to bits by a gang led by drug lord Clarence Boddicker, Murphy is put into the Robocop program, developed by Omni Consumer Products (OCP). His mind is replaced with artificial intelligence (though not as diabolical as Skynet), his dismembered corpse rebuilt using robotic limbs, and his entire body sealed in a shiny steel suit. He wears a helmet, has a gun stored in his thigh, and follows his own set of law enforcement rules, which are typically shoot first and ask questions later (or not at all, just shoot and move on). As Robocop takes Detroit by storm and begins to put a tight grip on the crime problem, he begins remembering pieces of his life before becoming Robocop, and remembers who nearly killed him. He sets out on a personal mission to destroy those who wronged him, and bring justice to the city.

Made for thirteen million, a budget higher than The Terminator but still small, Robocop became an instant success and spawned its own franchise. Originally rated X for its extreme violence, the film was edited to fit the R rating and receive wider distribution. Though it was a success, it didn’t earn as much at the box office as The Terminator had three years earlier, however was one of the highest earning films of that year. It kicked off a film franchise, as well as a TV series, two animated series’, video games, and comic book adaptations. Besides being a kickass action film, it was also a satire on consumerism, media, violence, and many other themes. If you watch Starship Troopers (another tongue in cheek action flick from director Paul Verhoeven), you can see some of these themes get even more satirized.

So which film is better, the one with the hero man/machine, or the villain machine/man? Looking at them as a franchise, I would say Terminator has Robocop beat. Both the first Robocop and first Terminator are eighties classics, no doubt. Robocop 2 was a pretty big disappointment, even though Peter Weller reprised his role as the mechanical officer. Terminator 2, on the other hand, was a tremendous success. I have cited it as my favourite movie sequel ever, as have many other diehard fans of the original. The visual effects were greatly improved thanks to a larger budget, Arnold Schwarzenegger returned as a hero rather than a villain, an even scarier villain was introduced in the liquid form of the T-1000, a liquid metal terminator, and all of this was done while telling a story that was a worthy continuation of the first film. It built upon the mythology, the characters, the action, and delivered on all other fronts. Robocop 3 was even more inferior than Robocop 2 was, with Robert John Burke replacing Peter Weller and a sorely missing R rating, plastered over with an inadequate PG-13. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, although not hated by all, is one of the most miscalculated sequels ever in my opinion. T2 wrapped up the story perfectly and put the bow on it by confirming the future is not set and there really is no fate but what we make, meaning Judgment Day was stopped. Terminator 3 threw that out the window and said Judgment Day is inevitable. The date on which it happens simply changes to 2003, and yet another Terminator is sent back in time, the T-X, which is supposedly superior to all Terminators that came before it. And yet somehow, this one gets destroyed by another Schwarzenegger model (the T-800). In fact, the T-X has a metal body with liquid metal skin only, which seems second-rate to the entirely liquid metal T-1000. With Judgment Day back on track and the post-apocalyptic future ahead for poor old John Conner, a fourth sequel was made. Terminator Salvation only brought Schwarzenegger back in a small capacity, and Christian Bale was cast as John Conner. While I think it was much truer to the essence of what the series is all about than Terminator 3, it was still lacking the creativity, originality, and passion of the first two (plus it got a cursed PG-13 just like Robocop 3).

It’s difficult to pick one character as better than the other because one is purely and simply a hero, and the other is a bit more complicated, capable of being a hero or a villain. Both Robocop and the Terminator have memorable one liners due to their lack of conversational speech, but the Terminator’s infamous “I’ll be back” is the most well known. Still, Robocop himself has a number of great quotes: “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.” “Your move, creep.” “Come quietly or there will be...trouble”. Robocop also has a custom weapon which he can store in his thigh, whereas the Terminator has no onboard weapons (though more advanced models would adopt this feature in the sequels). The Terminator sometimes doesn’t even need more than its hands to inflict serious damage. Robocop requires maintenance after battle, such as in the first film when he repairs after battling the ED-209, one of Omnicorp’s bulky and clumsy robot guards. Kyle Reese wasn’t exaggerating when he said the Terminator is unstoppable. It can literally be blown to pieces and only have its arms and head left, and it will still crawl around and try to kill its target—surely it is the most devoted assassin ever. Only by destroying or re-programming its CPU chip can the Terminator be stopped. While Robocop, who is still human on the inside, can be injured and feel pain, the Terminator will stop at nothing to kill its target. It feels no pain and no remorse; it is simply programmed to succeed. Point goes to the Terminator for being even more unstoppable than Robocop.

Both of these films fit into the action genre, but which one boasts the bigger and better effects? Some of the effects in The Terminator aren’t up to par; one scene that always bugged me was when he takes his eye out in the bathroom. It’s extremely obvious that a replica of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s head was used for the shot because it’s shiny, stiff moving, and wholly unconvincing. To be fair, this film had a meager budget, and most of the other effects are good for the time. The stop motion to make the fully robotic Terminator move is used minimally, and just as high of quality as the stop motion ED-209 in Robocop. However, I have to hand it to Robocop for excelling in the visuals department. Blood squids, which is what gives blood that explosive pop to simulate gunshot wounds, were used extensively in this film. From the ED-209 blowing away a board member to Murphy being gunned down in one of the most over the top scenes of the whole movie, every living thing in the movie spurts massive amounts of blood (it’s obvious why they tried to give Robocop the X rating). Robocop throws guys through walls, shoots them in the dick, and can be stopped by no one. He also has a thing for smashing glass, which he does repeatedly. Due to the bigger budget and more over the top nature of the film, Robocop beats The Terminator as far as visuals go.

Looking at all the aspects I have examined and the original films as a whole, it’s hard to pick one over the other. For me, The Terminator wins over Robocop, but not by a landslide. Both films are well made; I simply prefer the more serious tone of The Terminator over the exaggerated fun of Robocop. What’s really impressive is Robocop took a concept that was similar to The Terminator in having a part man-part machine as a main character, but made it original and not feel like a rip off. Both of these characters have become icons of the action genre, and continue to find success to this day. There have been numerous action figures, toy lines, and there was even a Robocop vs. The Terminator game released for the Super Nintendo. The Robocop remake hit theaters February 12^th, and a reboot of the Terminator series is set for a 2015 release, currently titled Terminator: Genesis and starring Game of Thrones star Emilia Clarke as Sarah Conner.