Loch Ness Monster Movies (Part 2 of 2)

 

Part 1: https://cccmovies.blogspot.com/2024/10/loch-ness-monster-movies-part-1-of-2.html

 

Finally, we get to a real, theatrically released movie worthy of the actual legend! Incident at Loch Ness (2004) is a mockumentary which I really can’t talk about without spoiling the best thing about it, but I didn’t find it exceptional enough to simply recommend and not explain, so here is what makes this Loch Ness Monster movie truly unique: it’s a movie-within-a-movie-within-a-movie! Let me explain further. Zak Penn made his directorial debut here, previously known as just a Hollywood screenwriter for blockbusters like The Last Action Hero and X2: X-Men United, and he collaborated with the legendary filmmaker Werner Herzog, who has worked in both the realms of actual documentary filmmaking and Hollywood productions. At times it’s a comedy, and at others it’s a horror movie, but not really either. It’s somewhat difficult to categorize because it’s unlike most mockumentary films that clearly inspired it, like The Blair Witch Project or This is Spinal Tap, which is actually a compliment.

I’ll start at the core and peel back the layers. Zak Penn, who plays a fictional version of himself (as do all the people in the film), is trying to produce a sleazy, sensationalized blockbuster about the Loch Ness Monster. He is making his film in collaboration with Herzog under the ruse that it’s a documentary. Herzog thinks he’s making a legitimate exploration of the legend called The Enigma of Loch Ness. Neither filmmaker seems to believe the monster is real. Then, as they embark on this dichotomy of a production, they find out there really is something in the loch, and the footage captured becomes part of a separate documentary which is how the film is presented: it originally begins as a documentary about Herzog, called Herzog in Wonderland, then turns into what we see presented as “authentic” footage. The final layer: all of it is entirely fictional!

Incident at Loch Ness is a really interesting concept that’s executed decently, but not expertly. Herzog brings credibility to the whole elaborate trickery at play here—trying to convince viewers that the fake film is real and blurring the lines of fiction and reality—but Penn is not all that convincing. Some of the other supporting cast members also come off as trying too hard to seem like they aren’t acting. There are a few moments of over-doctored footage to make it look more authentic, but nothing too dramatic or distracting or outlandish in terms of cinematography. I’ll give credit for the whole elaborate layering of fictions working pretty seamlessly, though. By the nature of it being a film production, certain decisions made by the people involved would have seemed stupider had they been made under different circumstances. For example, they outfit the boat with the wrong kind of motor so it isn’t as noisy for filming, which results in problems later and they get stranded, but it doesn’t come off as cliché. That doesn’t mean there aren’t cliché elements throughout, but certain ones work well enough, especially because it isn’t trying to be too scary, really, until the ending.

I don’t know what the budget was for this movie, but I have a feeling it was pretty low, though high enough that it at least looks and feels as authentic as you could get, in purely visual terms. One thing I do not understand is why such awful stock music was chosen for the soundtrack. I think it must have been an intentional nod to generic documentary music, but I found it quite detrimental to the viewing experience. The movie strikes an interesting balance of presenting itself as something to be taken seriously, yet also to be intentionally funny. The funniest part is when Herzog confronts Penn about his true intentions with the production, just as a crew member comes into the office holding a very fake-looking Nessie prop. There are a few other pointedly funny moments throughout, but most of the comedy is mildly amusing at best. If you are hoping to see the “real” Nessie, this is not the movie for you. We get a couple glimpses of a realistic-looking hump of a back emerge from the water, but that’s about it. If you can suspend your disbelief and embrace the inconsistencies with the way the film presents itself as something real, it’s pretty entertaining, especially if you are interested in how movies are made or enjoy the found footage subgenre, but if that’s not you, then it’s not essential viewing.

Returning to the realm of low budget schlock, up next is Loch Ness Terror (2008), also known as Beyond Loch Ness, which I discovered is a far more appropriate title. It begins at the loch with a researcher, his assistants, and his son discovering an egg (gee, sound familiar?) and getting attacked by the monster, which kills everyone except the son. This Sci-Fi Channel movie actually has some decent CGI effects for the monsters, but really, they’re only decent in terms of a 2000’s made-for-TV production, and still clash horribly with the rubbery practical effects. The design for the creature is a little different, with a webbed crest on its head, but it’s described as a plesiosaur, despite having four short legs with webbed feet instead of flippers.

The actual shooting location for the film was Vancouver, BC, and it’s obvious—trust me, I’m from BC, and I can confirm it does not pass for Scotland at all. It’s fine, though, because this intro is just a flashback. The rest takes place at Lake Superior in Ontario, Canada, with the explanation that Nessie somehow swam through an underwater tunnel to get there thirty years later. I’m glad she did that, because now I don’t have to keep reviewing this cheap, uninspired junk film. As far as I’m concerned, a monster is only the Loch Ness Monster if it’s swimming around in the real Loch Ness, so this is really just a generic lake monster flick that rips off Lake Placid, Jaws, and Jurassic Park without shame. Next! 

The Loch Ness Horror (2023) is a…hey, wait a minute, didn’t I already cover a movie called this in Part One? Is it a remake of the 1981 film? Nope, just copies the title. This is another one like Loch Ness Terror that uses “Loch Ness” for the marquee value, but is set elsewhere. It takes place in the North Atlantic, with the monster having swam from the loch to the open ocean, so I don’t really need to say much about this one—and thank goodness, because it got everything wrong. Mix in a little Jaws and Alien with some of the worst actors currently living, throw in Nessie eating people occasionally, and the result is perhaps the most shameful Loch Ness Monster film (locale notwithstanding) yet produced. It may not have the worst cinematography or the absolute lowest quality visual effects, but it has the slowest pacing, the least creativity, and no ending. I’m not joking or exaggerating. I can’t even call it a cliffhanger, because it just cuts to black as if they ran out of budget. I’ve seen better home movies than this, and I don’t mean fictional films made in the backyard, I mean when a family member picks up a camera during a birthday or special event and points it at something and hits record. This is the one that should’ve been called The Loch Ness Bore-er, or better yet, shouldn’t have used “Loch Ness” in the title at all. 

I wasn’t going to cover the film Loch Ness (1996) originally, for it is anything but a monster movie, however I will conclude with a brief look at it because out of all these movies over the many years, it has the best Nessie of them all (also, I can’t end off with Loch Ness Horror: the worst of all these movies). One could argue that The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep (2007) is a better family film than Loch Ness and has the best special effects, but I was never a fan of the creature’s design in Water Horse. The mythic beastie, as its silly name alludes to, looks like a squishy-skinned long-necked horse with the same little knobby horns the prop from Loch Ness Horror/Amazon Women had, and it spends half the movie as a little baby. The Water Horse has great CGI effects from the New Zealand company Weta that still hold up reasonably well, and while the brief CGI shots in Loch Ness do not hold up, that movie is still truer to the monster’s Scottish origins—the creature in Water Horse isn’t even named Nessie, it’s named Crusoe!

What makes Loch Ness stand out amid the history of films based on the Scottish legend is its authenticity, production values, and noble intentions. While not entirely filmed in Scotland, nearly all exterior shots of the loch were really shot on Loch Ness. Even Water Horse, which was partly shot there, was largely made in New Zealand, and it may look similar, but it’s still looks less authentic comparatively. There are a couple big name actors in the cast, with Ted Danson playing a scientist who was ridiculed after supposedly finding Sasquatch. He’s sent to Scotland to finish up another professor’s work, after that old idiot trips on some rocks and falls and hits his head too hard when he sees something in the opening scene. But, for a big part of the runtime, it seems there really isn’t a creature in the loch. Most of the locals believe there is, such as the water bailiff, played by Ian Holm, who wants this mystery left unsolved.

I remember coming across this one on DVD when I was a kid and I decided to pass on buying it, which in retrospect was a good call, because I would have hated this movie back then. It was well advertised though; there’s no attempt to trick you into thinking it’s a monster movie. It combines elements of drama with 90’s family adventure vibes, plus a little light comedy. It’s competently made, but entirely predictable. You know from the moment Ted Danson’s character meets Joely Richardson’s loch local and her young daughter that they’re going to end up in a romance and fall in love by the end. Screenwriter John Fusco wrote the script as a tribute to his grandmother, and I will say it is more respectful to Scottish culture and the myth as a whole than any other Loch Ness Monster film. While still very Hollywood-ized, it treats the idea of Nessie with reverence and celebrates her secrecy.

Near the end we do finally see the monster—there are two monsters, in fact, and they are identified as peaceful hybrids of Elasmosaurus and Plesiosaurus that eat water plants, not people. An animatronic head and neck were made by Jim Henson’s creature workshop, and even with only seconds of screentime, it looks magnificent. This is by far the best Nessie has ever looked in a movie, and it’s a shame that we see so little of her in this film, which is otherwise rather unremarkable. It’s kind of schmaltzy and goes for a typical Hollywood ending, but for what it is, it’s enjoyable enough. On the scale of Loch Ness Monster movies, it’s pretty good, but on the grand cinematic scale and without nostalgia fueling my opinion, barely so.

That concludes my exploration of The Loch Ness Monster as represented in cinema! I think Nessie has yet to be given proper cinematic justice, but you know what other lake monster still needs to be featured in a great movie? Canada’s own Ogopogo! All we have is Mee-Shee: The Water Giant (2005), another family flick from the same director as Loch Ness! Someone give Guillermo Del Toro or Michael Dougherty or Adam Wingard a call. Let’s bring all the lake monsters into one movie and have them battle for dominance! Which lake monster is the deadliest of them all? We’ll have Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, Morag, Tahoe Tessie, and even the sea serpent Cadborosaurus! Now that would be the ultimate lake monster creature feature.

 

Films Featured:

 

The Secret of the Loch (1934)

The Loch Ness Horror (1981)

Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)

Loch Ness (1996)

Beneath Loch Ness (2001)

Incident at Loch Ness (2004)

Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster (2004)

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep (2007)

Loch Ness Terror (A.K.A Beyond Loch Ness) (2008)

The Loch Ness Horror (2023)