C.C.C. Issue #22: Top Ten Giant Monster Movies

With Godzilla returning to theaters this May and (hopefully) contributing to the resurgence of giant monster popularity, I’m counting down the best super sized sci-fi and action epics to feature the largest monsters in all of cinema—I’m talking killer kaiju (that’s the Japanese name for giant monsters) and the top ten giant monster movies of all time.

Criteria: to narrow the number of contenders, I’m only counting movies with creatures that exceed standard sizes, so for example, the T-Rex in Jurassic Park is large, yes, but kept to real-life proportions, so technically it’s not a giant monster. This rule will exclude other films with large but not giant monsters, such as Jaws, Tremors, and Anaconda. The monsters must be at the center of the movie or at least featured prominently for it to count as a giant monster movie.

Honourable Mention: Monsters (2010). This low budget, unconventional creature feature was written and directed by Gareth Edwards, director of this year’s Godzilla. Though it explored interesting political themes through a giant monster invasion story, this film is, at its core, more about the main characters and less about the giant monsters. For a film called Monsters, it actually fails to deliver in these regards. The giant aliens make few appearances and aren’t particularly foreboding—they are generic giant squids very similar to the creature in Space Amoeba (a Toho Kaiju film from the seventies). Though not a bad film, especially considering its low budget and improv film style, it’s not among the greatest giant monster movies as some critics have indicated.

10. The Giant Claw (1957)

First up is this ridiculous schlock fest that made an appearance on my top ten best worst movies list (for more details about this movie, check out C.C.C. Issue #12). As I said on that list, it’s the funniest giant monster movie ever made and you need to see it to believe it. A giant prehistoric bird attacks not just one city in particular, but all of North America. It terrorizes the skies, snatching planes and paratroopers out of the air, smashes buildings, and causes hurricane force winds with its great wings. The monster effects are probably the worst ever—maybe not as absolutely horrendous as the creature suit used in Zaat (again, refer to the best worst movies list for more on that one)—but The Giant Claw is a showcase for some crazy sci-fi twists, a preposterous looking beast, and a lot of fun.

9. Pacific Rim (2013)

The most recent giant monster movie on this list, Pacific Rim delivered an action spectacle and paid tribute to all the greatest giant monster movies that came before it. Some people thought it was too much like what we’ve seen in the past—a sort of Transformers meets Godzilla—but I thought it put enough of a new twist on the genre to make it worthy of inclusion on this list. The plot in short is a portal opens at the bottom of the ocean and unleashes legions of giant monsters (called Kaiju), so the world comes together to build giant robots (called Jaegers) to beat the crap out of them and save the planet from total destruction. It gets pretty ridiculous, but thanks to director Guillermo del Toro’s eye for visuals and his balance of action with light humour, it doesn’t take itself too seriously and has fun with the creatures and characters. My favourite scene of all is the second battle that takes place half way through the movie. We see the Kaiju use electrical attacks, spew acid, and grow wings, while the Jaegers throw punches, use a ship as a baseball bat, and unleash some fearsome artillery. Pacific Rim is big, its kickass, and it’s perfect for any giant monster fan. 

8. Clash of the Titans (1981)

Before the crap remake that came out in 2010, there was the larger than life stop motion masterpiece Clash of the Titans, which features a host of strange and fascinating creatures, including Medusa and the Pegasus. Ray Harryhausen created some of the best stop motion effects ever in movies, and he did a ton of work on this film, which ended up being the last feature he worked on before retiring. Somehow he continued to outdo himself with each subsequent creature brought to life, and the film ends in a climactic scene featuring one of the best giant monsters of all: the enormous Kraken. Unlike the giant octopus of traditional legend, this Kraken is sort of reptilian, with an upright posture and four long arms. He doesn’t get to do a whole lot before being turned to stone by Perseus holding up Medusa’s head, but just the Kraken’s presence is intimidating. No amount of cgi could trump the stop motion marvel that is this monster.

7. Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

Before Clash of the Titans, Ray Harryhausen worked on this other fantasy adventure film, which also featured an array of monsters, both large and small. Though it’s best known for an epic battle with an army of undead skeletons all fluently animated with stop motion, the parts that stick out to me are the scenes with monsters that tower over Jason and his comrades. One of the first baddies is the bronze statue Talos, which comes to life when a giant brooch pin is stolen from the treasure room that Talos is guarding. He’s huge and has a hefty sword, which makes him pretty intimidating, but even this giant pales in comparison to the Hydra. Jason takes on this serpentine creature, which sports many heads and tails and is like a great big mutant snake. Even though it’s not as big as Talos, the Hydra is swifter and the model of the creature has a greater level of detail. Although the effects for Jason and the Argonauts may seem to pale in comparison to the computer effects for modern films, you have to appreciate the time and skill required to bring those creatures to life using hand crafted detail and a series of tiny movements. 

6. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

One of the films most notable for inspiring Godzilla, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms features a similar concept, but is executed in a different manner. It’s somewhat less dark, but still has just as much monster action. A prehistoric dino—the fictional Rhedosaurus—is re-awakened by nuclear testing and attacks New York City. The Beast snatches people off roads and eats them, stomps on cars, and gets shot at by police and military forces: all the hallmarks of a great super sized sci-fi flick. Even though this film has animation from Ray Harryhausen, just like Clash of the Titans and Jason and the Argonauts both do, but the animation for those films is considered more impressive than his work on this film, I’m placing Beast one number higher simply for having a greater focus on a giant monster. While Argonauts had incredible effects, the truly best scenes weren’t of the giant monsters, but rather of the smaller creatures. Though no less impressive in terms of visual effects, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms is slightly better than the two previous films in giant monster movie terms.

5. Them! (1954)

In the fifties, loads of sci-fi/horror villains were radioactive because of the cold war scare going on at the time. What was scarier than something big and nuclear? As it turns out, giant radioactive ants are among the scariest of all. Coming out in the U.S. the same year Godzilla was released in Japan, Them! features a colony of giant radioactive ants which aren’t even seen until very late in the movie. Unlike Godzilla, which actually shows the monster quite frequently, Them! keeps its giant ants alluded to rather than front and center most of the time. This makes their eventual reveal more shocking, and builds some great suspense. One particularly chilling scene reveals one of the ants with human bones at its feet. One of the first ‘nuclear monster’ films, as well as one of the earliest to feature giant insects attacking, the inspiration for many modern giant monster productions including Eight Legged Freaks and Tremors can be traced back to this seminal creature feature.

4. The Lost World (1925/1960)

This silent black and white classic showed up on my best dinosaur movies list, so you may be wondering why it’s on a list about giant monster movies, especially when I’m omitting Jurassic Park. In two of the versions that I’ve seen of The Lost World (that’s not counting the Jurassic Park sequel), the dinosaurs are not portrayed like real dinosaurs. They’re recognizable as dinosaurs, yes, but their proportions, features, and behaviour are all altered and turn them into, to quote Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park III, “...theme park monsters, nothing more, and nothing less.” The Brontosaurus in The Lost World behaved unlike any Brontosaurus ever would have, and speaking of the name Brontosaurus, that’s no longer a valid name for the creature anyway (it’s been corrected to Apatosaurus). So as far as I’m concerned, this version (as well as 1960 version) is a giant monster movie, and a damn good one at that. It may be black and white, silent, and shorter than your typical Hollywood blockbuster, but it delivers some great giant monster action. With dinosaurs attacking people, dinosaurs attacking other dinosaurs, and dinosaurs running rampant through London (which inspired subsequent giant monster flicks) it all makes for a surprisingly fast paced monster romp that, despite being obviously outdated, is still fun and worth checking out.

3. Gamera (A.K.A. Gammera: The Invincible and Gamera: The Giant Monster) (1965)

Though the giant atomic mutant turtle Gamera is often overshadowed by Godzilla’s presence both in America and their native Japan, Gamera is just as awesome of a giant movie monster, and his first film, Gamera: The Invincible is a classic of the genre. The film wastes no time in awakening Gamera from his eternity-long nap with the spectacularly cheesy crash landing of a nuclear jet in the remote arctic tundra. Though the character is clearly inspired by Godzilla’s reptilian appearance, Gamera is different and unique enough that he doesn’t feel like a rip off. With an indestructible shell, jet propulsion, severe under bite, big tusks, and fire breathing/fire eating capabilities, Gamera showcases his many abilities in this first film, as well as his appetite for destruction. Something that’s hinted at but not fully explored until later sequels is Gamera’s affection for children. Though he’s clearly out to destroy humanity, he saves a young boy from a collapsing light house at one point in the film. The ending is one of the best solutions to a problem in a movie ever. Scientists create a trap which lures Gamera to a launch pad, where they capture him in a space shuttle and send him to Mars. No joke. It’s over the top, it’s ridiculous, and it’s a blast. If you like giant movie monsters, you can’t go wrong with Gamera.

2. Godzilla (A.K.A. Gojira) (1954)

Coming in at a close second is the first film to feature Japan’s most famous kaiju, who has stomped Tokyo and fought other giants more times than James Bond has drank martinis in all of the 007 movies. With an extensive library of films that span six decades, I could have easily just picked ten of the greatest Godzilla flicks as the top ten giant monster movies (but I’m saving that for another list). Godzilla was the first in a long line of sci-fi/action/horror kaiju films that reinforced the character’s popularity, but the original cautionary tale that introduced the world to this titanic tyrannosaur is the one that stands out as the greatest of all. Essentially a symbol for nuclear destruction, Godzilla is a straight forward monster romp, but there are numerous elements that set it apart as the most important monster film from the fifties—a time when radiated creatures and aliens and global disasters were staples of science fiction. The dark, gritty atmosphere created by director Ishiro Honda’s deft direction supports the illusion that Godzilla really is destroying Tokyo, and is only made more somber by the black and white photography. Godzilla’s slow rampage is reminiscent of the way a nuclear bomb slowly and thoroughly decimates a city. His presence reminds Japan about how humankind can have such a negative impact on the environment. There is a lot to see in Godzilla, beyond the basic monster elements. Like many of the films on this list, it’s dated by today’s standards, but still remains one of the greatest giant monster movies ever made.

1. King Kong (1933)

Before jaw dropping Jaeger battles, before the gravitas of Godzilla, before the radioactive Rhedosaurus terrorized New York, there was the ultimate, original giant monster that terrified audiences as much as he pulled at their heart strings. The Eighth Wonder of the World, the master of Skull Island, and the last of his kind, King Kong has remained a cinematic icon ever since he first scaled the Empire State Building way back in 1933. The film is a unique example of truly groundbreaking special effects that still hold an impact to this day. It’s no secret how Kong and fellow Skull Island inhabitants were animated using stop motion effects, but the fact that it still looks impressive decades later truly is impressive. Even though Godzilla is a foreboding and no less iconic kaiju, it’s important to point out that the character was originally portrayed by an actor in a suit, and though this would become something of a trademark for Godzilla, it was seen as lower tech than Kong’s fluent and believable stop motion, even back in the fifties. To somehow make a giant ape beast appear ferocious and yet also emote and be a sympathetic character is challenging enough, but that it was done in the early thirties using an eighteen inch rubber model covered in rabbit fur blows my mind—that, and have it interact with actors, other stop motion creatures, and battle planes atop a giant building? It’s no wonder King Kong has remained a film favourite for so long, and Kong himself the king of the giant movie monsters. Peter Jackson’s remake from 2005 is a faithful and even more epic version, but being more epic doesn’t necessarily make it better. Though not as classic, it’s among the best remakes in recent memory, and one of the best kaiju films of the past decade. Both movies are great, but it’s the original that will always be king of the giant monster movies.



Giant Monsters image from www.cartuneland.com
Jason and the Argonauts image from blockbusterreviews.tripod.com
Them! poster from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Them! 
Godzilla poster from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godzilla_(1954_film)

C.C.C. Issue #21: Top Ten Marvel Easter Eggs

Top Ten Marvel Cinematic Universe Easter Eggs

Happy Easter! On this good Friday I will be killing two birds with one stone (not literally) by hunting not for Easter Eggs that you can eat but instead for Easter Eggs in Marvel movies—tidbits of information, nods to other films, visual references, and all those little details fan boys and fan girls freak out over while casual viewers don’t even notice. You can interpret this list as being inspired by Easter or the new Amazing Spider-Man sequel coming out in a couple weeks, it’s up to you.

For those of you who aren’t quite as nerdy as I am, you may not know the Spider-Man, X-Men, and Fantastic Four films are not part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. the films that pertain to the Marvel Cinematic Universe (referred to as the M.C.U. for short) as of writing this are Iron Man (2008), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Iron Man 2 (2010), Thor (2011), Captain America: The First Avenger (2011), The Avengers (2012), Iron Man 3 (2013), Thor: The Dark World (2013), and Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014). These films are divided into “Phases”: Phase One being everything up to and including The Avengers, and Phase Two being everything that has happened after. The final Phase Two films, Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers: Age of Ultron, will be released on August 1^st, 2014 and May 1^st 2015, respectively. With so many Easter Eggs to pick from, it was hard to figure out which ten I found the most exciting, so I’m sorry if your favourites or some of the more pivotal ones don’t show up on this list. There will be spoilers for all the films released on DVD and Blu Ray so far, so you have been forewarned.

10. Avengers Tower at the end of The Avengers

At the beginning of The Avengers, Stark Tower is shown to have STARK in huge letters across the side of the building. That’s nice, Tony, you ego maniac, you. By the end of the film the tower gets destroyed—not entirely, but the damage is pretty severe. All that’s left on the side of the building is the A from STARK, which clearly hints at the future of the superhero team and where their headquarters will be. It was indicating that the Avengers would be back, but one little detail bumps it up from indication to confirmation. Just before the singular A is shown, there’s a shot of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts inside the ruined building looking over blueprints. These blueprints are clearly showing a plan for the Avengers Tower. Some fans speculated that because it wasn’t featured in Iron Man 3 in any way that it might not actually happen, but those suspicions were corrected when the tower made a tiny appearance in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It’s almost a guarantee some of Avengers: Age of Ultron will take place in this setting.

9. Captain America cameo in Thor: The Dark World

You could debate that this wasn’t really an Easter Egg because it was extremely obvious and even non-fans would have got it, but as far as I’m concerned, having Captain America show up unexpectedly in the Thor sequel was something of an Easter Egg for fans, and I bet there were a few people left confused when everyone burst into laughter as Loki changed into the star spangled avenger.  In a scene where Loki is talking with stepbrother Thor, he uses his trickery to change his appearance and briefly become Steve Rogers in his Captain America costume. For this short-lived but memorable moment, Chris Evans reprised his role, and the comedic cameo would tide fans over until The Winter Soldier. Unfortunately, we saw no such cameos from Thor in any of the Phase Two films (so far). I guess it would be hard for him to travel all the way from Asgard just to pop in and make the audience laugh. But wait, the Guardians of the Galaxy can’t be that far from Asgard, can they? We shall see come August 1^st...

8. Captain America’s shield in Iron Man 2

Coming hot off the heels of the first Iron Man’s huge success, which introduced us to the charismatic, arrogant, and witty genus billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark, A.K.A. Iron Man, Iron Man 2 was, regardless of what you thought of the movie, an irrefutable step down from the first film (though I still enjoyed it for what it was worth). In one scene, Agent Coulson comes in to Tony’s workshop and finds him trying to set up some equipment. Tony asks him to pass him something, and Coulson hands him...Captain America’s shield?! Well, technically it can’t be his actual shield since, as we found out in Captain America, Cap was frozen with his original. It was still a fun, small detail for fans to get excited about, and my favourite subtle tease at the upcoming M.C.U. film. There was an even more subtle appearance of the shield in the first Iron Man, with it in the background as Tony has his Iron Man armour removed.

7. Two Pulp Fiction references, one in Iron Man 3 and the other in The Winter Soldier

I’m considering this a two-part Easter Egg, even though they aren’t connected. Pulp Fiction, one of Quentin Tarantino’s most popular and unique films, is obviously loved by some of the filmmakers who have worked with Marvel. Samuel L. Jackson starred in Pulp Fiction as Jules Winnfield, a badass bible referencing hit man, and gained great fame from and for the role. He took on the character of Nick Fury and appeared in a brief cameo for the end credits of Iron Man. He has returned for several other films, as well as guest starred on the ABC TV show Marvel’s Agents of Shield. In Iron Man 3 during a flashback scene, Tony Stark’s body guard/side kick Happy Hogan is dressed exactly like John Travolta’s character from Pulp Fiction, who worked alongside Jackson’s character. This is likely because director Shane Black really liked Pulp Fiction and was paying tribute, but it doesn’t stop there. Going back to Captain America yet again, the sequel The Winter Soldier not only included a nod to Tarantino’s film, but it was a direct reference to Jackson’s Pulp Fiction character. I won’t spoil the details because, since it’s the latest M.C.U. film, a lot of you might not have seen it yet and I don’t want to ruin the surprise. 

6. Hawkeye takes aim in Thor

Not every Avengers member can have their own movie—I don’t think they could all hold their own in an individual film, anyway. Scarlett Johansen’s character Black Widow, a non-super powered assassin (non super powered in terms of extreme strength, she’s definitely super crafty and super hot) was introduced in Iron Man 2, before playing a larger part in The Avengers. Before he was ever brainwashed by Loki or fired his incredibly accurate arrows at Chitauri invaders, Clint Barton, A.K.A. Hawkeye, made a brief appearance in Thor when the title hero tried to take back his hammer, only to find his powers were gone and he stood no chance against the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. Coulson sends Hawkeye in to take down Thor, and he decides to rely on his bow and arrow in a great scene that’s more than a cameo, but still short and not that important to the plot of the movie. It was a nice way to introduce the character in brief, and of course got fans pumped to see him more in The Avengers.

5. Reference to Doctor Strange in The Winter Soldier

One line was all it took to get my mind reeling and completely distract me from everything else happening in a pivotal scene of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I won’t consider this a spoiler since it doesn’t ruin anything about the movie, but it does occur during a scene that I won’t explain to avoid spoiling that. All I’ll say is one guy mentions something about potential targets, and one of the names he brings up is Steve Strange. Wait, he just said Steve Strange, right? As in Doctor Strange? For those of you not familiar with the character, he is a neurosurgeon turned sorcerer supreme, and becomes a mighty magician who protects earth from magic and supernatural enemies. He may sound a bit more out there than more grounded heroes like Captain America and Iron Man, but the way they handled the mythology of Thor makes me think they would do Doctor Strange justice. The character was referenced in the Sam Raimi sequel Spider-Man 2, but he was never shown or mentioned again. Now that the character’s existence has been established in the M.C.U., I’m almost certain he will get his own film in Phase Three, and with the way Marvel’s handling their solo films so far, I can’t wait to see what they do with the Doctor.

4. The closing moments of The Incredible Hulk

The Incredible Hulk, though not the finest of the Phase One films, had plenty of great Easter Eggs for fans to get excited about, and I had to throw one in on this list. Actually, this final scene is a triple whammy. Tony Stark shows up to talk with General Ross, and he mentions “...that super solider program was put on ice for a reason...” which is a direct reference to the yet-unannounced Captain America film. But the final comment Stark makes was what got a lot of people not yet versed in the Marvel universe really excited. Unless you sat through the end credits of the first Iron Man and saw the after credits scene where Nick Fury visits Stark and says they have to talk about “The Avengers Initiative”, then you probably had no idea Marvel was planning to bring its mightiest heroes together in an epic tag team match up that would redefine superhero movies and become a smash hit. I was one of these ignorant rising fans, so when Stark said, “What if I told you I was putting together a team...?” I realized what he was getting at and the excitement levels skyrocketed. 

3. Stan Lee and D.P. are everywhere

Is Stan Lee’s brief appearance even an Easter Egg anymore? You bet it is, because sometimes his cameos are less obvious than others. Stan Lee, the man behind Marvel  comics who created some of the greatest heroes ever (including Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and of course The Avengers) has made a cameo appearance in every Marvel film yet made (to my knowledge, I could be wrong on that, but I’ve seen him in almost every movie so far). He plays various random characters that are somehow involved with the superheroes or action of each movie, and is always a different character. He played Larry King for a few seconds in one of the Iron Man films, was the poor fellow who drank a soda infected with Bruce Banner’s blood in The Incredible Hulk, and was a guy playing chess in The Avengers who found it doubtful superheroes would be in New York (ha-ha, good one, Stan). Something else that keeps popping up in all these movies is Dr. Pepper. Seriously, it’s like the only soft drink you can get in the M.C.U. is D.P., because it’s shown in practically every movie! One of the most notable appearances is when a Dr. Pepper truck gets flipped over when the Chitauri attack New York in The Avengers. It really comes as no surprise to discover Dr. Pepper and Marvel have some kind of deal going on; it’s among the most obvious ad placement in film I’ve ever seen.

2. The Infinity Gauntlet in Thor

For a brief moment, you could see The Infinity Gauntlet in Odin’s treasure room in Thor. What is the Infinity Gauntlet? Why is it significant? This key item from the comics is a metallic glove that is powered by six Infinity Stones (Mind, Reality, Soul, Time, Power, and Space). The person or creature or entity who wears this gauntlet can gain infinite control over reality, so it’s pretty powerful and pretty important. The Infinity stones aren’t actually stones, but sources of power found across the galaxy. One that’s already been introduced is the Space Stone, also called The Tesseract, which is a source of power that played a big role in the Phase One films. It turned Captain America’s enemy Johann Schmidt in The First Avenger into Red Skull, and was used by Loki in The Avengers to bring the Chitauri to New York. The second Infinity Stone source was shown in Thor: The Dark World, and was The Aether (known as the Power Stone). Will all the stones be found and used to power up the Infinity Gaunlet in the near future? With it safe in Odin’s treasure room and guarded by The Destroyer, it couldn’t cause that much trouble...could it...? The final Easter egg on this list may prove otherwise....

1. Thanos at the end of The Avengers

Technically speaking, I could say all the after credits/mid-credits scenes are Easter Eggs, since it seems only true fans wait it out through all those titles to see the teases for future films. The best we have seen yet (aside from Iron Man’s brief end credit scene teasing that there would be many more adventures on the way) is the mid credits scene in The Avengers, which gave us the first glimpse at a major villain who we all know will play a pivotal role in the future of the M.C.U. It was exciting to fans that The Infinity Gaunlet, an important piece of intergalactic hardware, had been shown to exist, but the very second Thanos was shown, it became clear what was going to happen in future films. What’s even more exciting is that The Avengers sequel has been titled Avengers: Age of Ultron, and Ultron has been confirmed as the villain. I use the word “confirmed” there loosely, because let’s face it, it’s Joss Whedon and Marvel: they could be leading us down one path only to blind side us and take everyone by surprise. Whether Thanos will appear in Age of Ultron or not isn’t clear, but what does seem likely is the character will be the principle villain for Avengers 3, which could see The Guardians of the Galaxy team up with The Avengers for an intergalactic war more epic than anything ever to be featured in a superhero movie before. With Thanos and his Infinity Gauntlet looming, it has fans eagerly awaiting future films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

C.C.C. Issue #20: Top Ten Unneccesary Remakes

Top Ten Unnecessary Remakes

If a film has proven successful before, you can almost guarantee it will be remade eventually. I’m counting down the top ten examples of remakes that, for various reasons, did not need to happen. These aren’t all terrible remakes, necessarily. Some of the most horrendous remakes ever aren’t even on this list. These are the ones that just didn’t need to be made and were pointless from the start, so no, 1998’s Godzilla won’t be here, because though it was bad, it did need to be made (it just should have been made by someone who knew what they were doing, fingers crossed that Gareth Edwards nails it with the new one). 

10. Robocop (2014), remake of Robocop (1987)

The first unnecessary remake here is also the most recent. The original Robocop, directed by Paul Verhoeven, is an eighties action classic, with over the top violence, awesome one liners, and even some social commentary. Although this year’s Robocop remake, to quote Rotten Tomatoes, “...wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been...” there was still no need in making it. One of the few things you could criticize about 1987’s Robocop is that the visual effects are outdated—particularly the stop motion used for the ED 209. As we’ve come to learn from films like the original Star Wars trilogy and Jaws, just because the effects don’t hold up to today’s standards, doesn’t make the film any less great, thanks to well written scripts and strong storytelling techniques. Other films, like the Star Wars prequel trilogy, prove you can’t mask a poor story with grandeur visuals, either. Sure the new Robocop has flashy cgi effects (and I have to admit, some of them are really great), but it lacks almost all of the charm of the original. The PG-13 rating meant it was less over the top by default, and it actually failed to deliver a larger helping of action. Though debatably the best remake on this list, it still didn’t need to be done.  

9. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008), remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a black and white sci-fi classic that has become recognized as one of the most important sci-fi films of its era. 20^th Century Fox thought the movie could use an update, so modernized it by keeping the same story but changing the alien’s motives. In the original, a UFO arrives on earth, containing an alien-humanoid named Klaatu and his robot wingman Gort. Klaatu is there to warn humankind with an ominous message. The film contains timely, cautionary cold war era concerns of nuclear war. In the remake, the major concern is climate change instead, and aside from grander special effects, the movie is mostly a disappointment. Even though there were some intelligent alterations, such as the reinvention of Gort from a silver eight foot tall guy in a suit to a thirty foot tall robotic entity that can de-atomize, the casting choices weren’t the best and the pacing is poor.  The visuals for the original film are, admittedly, terribly dated by today’s standards, but the acting and plot are as strong as ever—certainly holding up better over time than I’m sure the remake will. This is another example of a movie that was improved visually, but not retold in a better fashion.

8. The Invasion (2007), remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956/1978)

This loose adaptation of the classic sci-fi novel The Body Snatchers stars Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman, and may be considered less of a remake and more of a retelling of the source material. As far as I’m concerned, this is a remake that hits many of the same points as previous films inspired by or adapting the novel. The first Invasion of the Body Snatchers is still considered a horror classic to this day, and the remake of the same name is among the better horror remakes out there. As for the 1993 film Body Snatchers, it wasn’t a hit and strayed the farthest from the source novel. So why is The Invasion so unnecessary? It brings nothing new to the table in terms of concepts, and what kills it the most for me is the ending (spoilers for the 1978 remake and this film ahead).The 1978 film ends with a chilling scene where it’s revealed Donald Sutherland’s character has actually been taken over by the pod people, and it can be assumed they took over earth as the end credits roll. In The Invasion, the fungal alien disease is simply cured and everything is all happy at the end. This is only one of the steps taken backwards with this movie, and it pales in every way to the previous films, all of which were good in their own rights.

7. Total Recall (2012) remake of Total Recall (1990)

Here’s yet another sci-fi remake. A lot of people seemed to like this one, but I found it a largely dull affair. 1990’s Total Recall, another film directed by Paul Verhoeven, and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, has been called one of the last great rubber effects movies. This refers to the fact that, shortly after its release, filmmakers started relying on cgi for visual effects rather than practical effects—a trend that began with the major success of Terminator 2: Judgement Day, another Schwarzenegger film. The Total Recall remake, starring Colin Farrell as the same character Schwarzenegger portrayed, omits some elements of the original story, and in turn loses much of the entertainment value. Much like Robocop, this remake was a more serious, yet PG-13 take on the same overall story of the original, but it fails to leave any kind of impression or possess any real character as a film—even with some impressive visuals and the acting talent of Bryan Cranston involved, it still disappointed. Although the action was generally better and certain things were made more believable, it still didn’t deliver on many of the fronts 1990’s Total Recall did. Ultimately, this remake didn’t improve in any way, but luckily it also didn’t taint the original.

6. The Stepfather (2009), remake of The Stepfather (1987)

The story for both the original and remake, essentially, is a serial killer changes his appearance after killing a family, finds a new wife with a family of her own, and becomes, as the title indicates, the new ‘stepfather’. His eventual goal is to kill this family like he did the last one, but the kids are on to his scheme, and they expose him for the true slasher villain that he is. The original is a cult classic that came out when slasher films were in full swing. The success of the Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13^th, and Halloween franchises in the eighties meant the video market was becoming saturated with slashers trying to cash in on their popularity, but The Stepfather proved to be more than just another generic horror flick, largely thanks to a chilling performance from Terry O’Quinn. Once the 2000’s came around, so did the unending, unnecessary horror movie remakes (a couple of those are on this list), and The Stepfather was, for some reason, one of those. There is very little that’s dated about the original, and the remake did next to nothing to modernize the story. The biggest problem is it lacks the one element that set the original apart from other slashers, and that is the creepy central performance. The Stepfather remake is a dull, pointless affair. 

5. The Karate Kid (2010), remake of The Karate Kid (1984)

To be fair, The Karate Kid remake wasn’t that bad. Neither was the original, so why did the remake have to happen? Much like many of the movies on this list, the main thought was probably financial gain—people liked the movie the first time, they’ll probably like it again! Noriyuki “Pat” Morita was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as the karate master in the original. Jackie Chan is much less sensational as the karate master in the 2010 version, and Jaden Smith, who plays his apprentice, is a lot more annoying than Ralph Macchio (who played the bullied boy in the original). Will Smith was one of the producers on the film, so he was probably trying to get his son’s career going. Not a bad plan, but starring alongside each other in last year’s After Earth destroyed any hope that Jaden might have a career as big as his father’s one day. The fact that actual Karate isn’t even taught in the movie (Jaden’s taught Kung Fu instead) makes me think they should have titled it The Kung Fu Kid (which it was in some countries) and not labelled it a remake, but the studio probably wanted the marketability of the title. Not much more to say on this one, except that it’s not only unnecessary, but unfaithful to the original beyond the basic story arc.

4. Planet of the Apes (2001) remake of Planet of the Apes (1968)

One of Tim Burton’s worst films, Planet of the Apes had the potential to be a decent remake, but it was screwed up greatly. Before I get into why it’s bad and unnecessary, I should point out some of the positive aspects. Rick Baker’s makeup for the apes was very well done, the cast was full of talent, and it didn’t sour the original in any way—in fact, it was quite faithful. The problems range from questionable story elements, general cheesiness, and a squandering of the talented actors, but the cliff hanger ending in particular fell completely flat and left everyone scratching their heads. With the original Planet of the Apes, the ending (which I won’t spoil, even though pretty much everyone knows it) is genuinely surprising, unsettling, but makes sense. Even though Rick Baker’s makeup effects were good, they weren’t a vast improvement over the original apes, which still hold up to this day. Generally speaking, the original Planet of the Apes told a strong, serious sci-fi story—one that didn’t need retelling. As Roger Ebert said in his review, “Ten years from now, it will be the 1968 version that people are still renting.” This crappy remake was one of the reasons I was so surprised and pleased with 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which traded prosthetics for motion capture and told a more serious yet different origins story.

3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), remake of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Based on a story by Roald Dahl, the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is a classic musical adventure, filled with delicious visuals, a great performance from Gene Wilder as the titular factory owner, and even some frightening moments. If Planet of the Apes is one of Tim Burton’s worst movies, then Charlie and the Chocolate Factory surely is as well. Starring Johnny Depp as Wonka, this adaptation of the book actually proved successful and was well received by critics. The 1971 film earned positive reviews, but was considered a box office disappointment. Personally, I think the Tim Burton version is inferior, but that’s not why it’s on this list. Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is not dated, has few flaws, and did not need a remake. Though the remake is somewhat more faithful to the source material (apparently Roald Dahl disliked the 1971 film), it does nothing to enhance the story or make it stand apart from the original. The biggest issue is with Wonka himself. Gene Wilder was brilliant, swaying in and out of friendly, happy moods into dark and intimidating outbursts. Johnny Depp, though usually a great actor, comes off as just creepy. Unless you have a sweet tooth for Depp and Burton’s typical dark direction, this remake pales in comparison in almost every way to the original.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Michael Bay produced this remake of one of director Wes Craven’s best movies ever, and much like his other horror remakes, this is a totally useless film that tries too hard to be as scary as or scarier than the original. Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street wasn’t about subtlety. The visuals were grotesque, and Freddy Kruger (played by David Englund) is a sly, scary, and entertaining slasher villain. The Freddy Kruger of this remake is arguably the best element of an otherwise bland rehash. The true horror of Craven’s film was what we were seeing on screen, whether it’s Tina being slashed to death as she rolls around the ceiling, or Johnny Depp’s character being pulled into his bed to his death. The main reason these moments are scary is because the camera lingers on the carnage and we want to look away and yet not look away at the same time. With the remake, nearly every scare is a jump scare, where something pops out and you jump from the surprise. It’s cheap and works the first time (if lucky) but isn’t truly frightening. Revealing Freddy’s entire back story ruins any mystery surrounding the killer, and he becomes even less scary. Aside from a couple nods to the original, this remake offers nothing else for fans of the original to be happy about—the effects aren’t even an improvement. This failed remake was pointless to even attempt.

1. Psycho (1998), remake of Psycho (1960)

What was wrong with Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho? Absolutely nothing, and there still isn’t a damn thing wrong with it. It might not have the same effect on jaded modern audiences, sure, but it’s still great and didn’t need to be tampered with. Gus Van Sant’s remake is the perfect combination of terrible and unnecessary to put it at the top of this list. It was absolutely unnecessary to remake Psycho, but this remake tries to emulate the original by literally being a shot for shot remake. Everything from the infamous shower scene to the reveal of Mrs. Bates’ corpse is all recreated. It hits all the same notes as the original, but creates no symphony. It’s like an imperfect, colourized clone of Hitchcock’s horror classic. Vince Vaughn is completely unsuited to the role of Norman Bates, and his performance comes off as goofy rather than unsettling. Interestingly enough, I saw this version before the original when I was still young and significantly less knowledgeable about movies. It wasn’t until I started getting more interested in film, particularly in the horror genre, that I learnt all about Alfred Hitchcock and his original masterpiece. If there’s one positive thing I can give to this remake, it’s that it brought me closer to the original, but that’s literally the only purpose this remake can serve. It’s not only wholly redundant, but it was a huge waste of 60 million bucks (which it didn’t even fully earn back in ticket sales).

All posters from http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki