ThanksKilling (2009) Review

ThanksKilling (2009) Review

Happy Halloween!

I always like to end Clayton’s Creepy Cinema with something special, and there’s no better movie for the Schlocktober marathon to end with than what we have here. I’ve been saving this particular movie for a while now, but it’s finally time to talk about one of the greatest low-budget horror-comedies of all-time. This is the one, the only, the legendary…ThanksKilling. 

Before I even begin the synopsis, I have to talk about the exquisite DVD cover.  

Top left corner: “Warning! Boobs in the first second!” Well, I’m instantly intrigued. 

Lower right corner: “Gobble, Gobble, Mother f#%@er!” This is a direct quote from the film. 

Bottom of the cover: “The ultimate low-budget experience | A killer turkey comedy/horror flick.” 

That’s boasting a lot, but having a look at the back cover and disc itself, which sport such zingers as “Unrated! ‘Cause we couldn’t afford a rating!” and “LOL at the damn movie already! ;)” (quoted exactly) it becomes clear these filmmakers, who completed this project on a tiny budget of $3500, are entirely self-aware, and know exactly what they’re doing. 

We begin in the woods at the first Thanksgiving in recorded history, with a slightly-out-of-focus close-up on a nipple (just like the cover promised) belonging to a busty pilgrim, played by porn star Wanda Lust, who is quickly dispatched by an evil, sentient turkey. Right before killing her with a tomahawk, he says “Nice tits, bitch!” In terms of opening scenes that set the tone, this surpasses even Poultrygeist in its efficiency and effectiveness. 

Fast forward to modern day, and some college kids are going on a camping trip for the Thanksgiving weekend. The killer turkey (known simply as “turkie”) is brought back by a dog pissing on a miniature totem pole, and he isn’t pleased about it, so goes on a killing spree. The human characters are all as cliché as they come—the jock, the slut, the loser, etc.—but Turkie is the real star, and makes frequent-enough appearances to keep things moving. To describe some of the things Turkie does is second-rate to seeing them play out. He shoots a guy with a shotgun, wears the face of the local sheriff Hannibal Lecter-style, and has sex with a woman while wearing a gravy-flavoured condom. 

The creativity here is staggering.  

ThanksKilling lacks the shock-value of something like Poultrygeist, but is entertaining in a similar I-can’t-believe-this-exists kind of way. The entire thing is meant to be a joke, and if you’re not already laughing at the DVD cover, it probably won’t be for you. It’s extremely cheap and dumb, but manages to find some unique ways to be funny, while simultaneously being laughable for being so low-budget. It’s not an easy one to define; it isn’t the kind of so-bad-it’s-good that results from the filmmakers taking a concept seriously and executing it poorly, nor is it so-bad-its-bad because they tried to make it bad and thus funny on purpose. ThanksKilling, ultimately, defies categorization, which might be the greatest praise I can give it.

I have a couple minor but legitimate complaints. The runtime is a measly 66 minutes, including beginning and end credits. It’s shorter than a standard feature-length motion picture, but then again, this movie is anything but standard, and I’m not sure if a longer runtime would have ruined the humour or not. With it being such a low-budget endeavor, it might seem unfair to pick on the cinematography and music as being of poor quality, but I’ve seen far lower-budgeted productions with significantly better quality picture and sound. Aside from that, though, I don’t think there’s much else to say that’s negative. 

Well, that about wraps up my review for ThanksKilling, which I shall nominate for several awards: best food-related horror flick, best low-budget horror-comedy, best holiday-related horror movie, and funniest/dumbest concept for a horror villain. And on that note, this concludes the Schlocktober marathon of Clayton’s Creepy Cinema! I hope you had an enjoyable October and that my reviews assisted in your enjoyment. Have a fun, safe, and schlock-filled Halloween everyone! 

The Gingerdead Man (2005) Review

The Gingerdead Man (2005) Review

You’ve heard of the Gingerbread Man, now get ready for the Gingerdead Man: a horror-comedy premise that’s rife with possibility…and is perhaps one of the greatest disappointments I’ve ever seen.

Gary Busey plays a maniacal killer who is executed for his crimes and cremated, but his ashes are sent to his mother, who happens to be a witch, and she mixes his remains with gingerbread spices and delivers them to a small bakery, where the bakers unwittingly bring the killer back as a murderous, wise-cracking gingerbread man. It sounds like horror-comedy gold, doesn’t it? Oh, if only the filmmakers had used the premise to its full potential.

The Gingerdead Man is, unsurprisingly, a bad movie, but it falls into the unfortunate category of being just plain bad and painful to watch instead of so-bad-its-good. Right from the opening scene it’s awkwardly shot, poorly edited, badly acted, and dull. Gary Busey only appears in-person in the first scene, where he kills a bunch of hostages in a diner, for whatever reason, and it makes for a confusing way to start. Then the entire rest of the movie takes place in a bakery at night, with only a few people present, and it becomes clear very quickly that it’s going to be a dismal affair. 

In total, Gingerdead Man kills maybe two people, max. The attempts at humour are awful, for the most part, with only a couple lines that are even remotely funny. With such a dumb premise, you’d think they wouldn’t take the material too seriously, but a good portion of the story is played quite serious, which only makes it more boring. The runtime is just over an hour, including beginning and end credits, and yet I’ve watched three-hour films that didn’t feel nearly as long as this. I got the impression that the filmmakers knew someone who owned a bakery, so they just filmed there at night while it was closed, worked on the smallest budget possible (the effects aren’t even worth commenting on) and sold the movie based on the premise alone just to make a quick buck.

What really blows my mind is how prolific this series managed to be. There’s Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust, Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver, and a crossover with Evil Bong, another low-budget horror-comedy franchise: Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong. I’ll give them credit for persistence (and hilarious titles), but that’s it.

The Gingerdead Man has its devoted fans, however I cannot count myself among them. It’s easily the worst food-related horror movie I’ve seen so far, but don’t worry, I’ve saved the best for last. Schlocktober is going out with a bang this year. Perhaps you’ve heard of a bad movie being called a “turkey?” After tomorrow, that word is going to take on a whole new meaning. 

The Stuff (1985) Review

The Stuff (1985) Review

What is The Stuff? Pretty simple: a mega corporation makes a new taste treat that everyone goes crazy for and buys in mass quantities, but it’s mined from underground, and brainwashes anyone who eats enough of it, before consuming them and killing them. That’s what it’s about, anyway, but what is the actual stuff? Well, it’s a little hard to explain. It’s described as being like ice cream, but it sometimes has the consistency and appearance of yogurt, whip cream, foam, and even glue. Put it this way: if it was a real product, I don’t think I’d want to eat it just based on that, never mind the part where it kills you. 

We get to see the stuff completely take over the world, from its initial discovery to the supermarket shelves being crammed full of it, and the efforts to destroy it when it tries to actually take over the world. This is one of the earliest food-related horror-comedies to make a statement on how bad consumerism is and how bad junk food can be. For my money, Poultrygeist did it the best, but I have to give The Stuff credit for effectively portraying a sense of how widespread the stuff becomes.  

The Stuff is the kind of movie you watch for the special effects, but unfortunately, there aren’t that many scenes where you get to see them used to their full potential. Long stretches pass without anything visually exciting, and it’s disappointing. But, when we do get to see the stuff in action, that’s when the movie is at its best. There’s a scene where a room becomes full of it, and another where it explodes out of a guy’s head. 

Larry Cohen produced, wrote, and directed, and he made another horror film a decade earlier called It’s Alive, which I reviewed in the first year of Creepy Cinema. In regards to that movie, I thought it had a couple decent scares but mostly tried to mix in social commentary and humour with an interesting (if poorly executed) concept to mixed results. Well, I guess I can sum up The Stuff as another Larry Cohen film, because I have the same problems with The Stuff as I have with It’s Alive. To compare the two, though, The Stuff is funnier, has better effects, and is better executed overall. 

The Stuff is a very 80’s horror-comedy, both in good and bad ways. It’s worth seeing once for all the great special effects, but isn’t that re-watchable. Of course, in the sub-genre of food horror, you could do a lot worse.