Top Ten Worst Superhero Movies: C.C.C Issue #46

Top 10 Worst Superhero Movies

Unfortunately for DC fans, the conversations about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, only the second entry in the DC Cinematic Universe, are more to do with how the movie is disappointing rather than satisfying. 

Back in C.C.C Issue #27, I covered what I thought were the ten best superhero movies to date (a list that has since changed quite a bit since), but now it’s time to look at ten of the worst. Some of these might be less “superhero” movies than they are simply “comic book” movies, but they’re still about heroes, even if they aren’t necessarily of the “super” variety. 

This is not a definitive top ten list, these are just my own top ten worst, though I’m aware of many worse ones out there that I haven’t seen. 

Dishonourable Mentions: I haven’t seen any of these, but I know they’re in the conversation of worst ever.

-Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

-Supergirl (1984)

-Superhero Movie (2008)

-The Spirit (2008)

-Steel (1997)

-Captain America (1990)

-Green Lantern (2011)

-Fantastic Four (take your pick)

10. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) 

Some might say Spider-Man 3 is among the worst superhero movies ever, and while I agree it was disappointing, it’s not near as bad as the one that killed the franchise a second time. I wasn’t a fan of the first Amazing Spider-Man, but Amazing Spider-Man 2 was almost universally rejected by the movie-going community, despite raking in hundreds of millions of dollars. It attempts to set up future movies and fails, it ruins not one, not two, but three classic Spidey villains, is so all over the place that it feels like it could’ve (and should’ve) been multiple movies, and intrudes into the realm of being cartoony, similar to what Spider-Man 3 did, only much worse. Aside from the chemistry between Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, there’s little that’s good, and it was obvious Sony hadn’t learned from the mistakes made with Spider-Man 3. Thankfully, Sony struck a deal with Marvel, and we get to see a brand-new take on the friendly neighbourhood hero starting with this summer’s Captain America: Civil War. Hopefully the new stand-alone Spider-Man film set for release next summer doesn’t turn out like this turd (which happens to be the most recent of the ten movies on this list). 

 

9. Elektra (2005)

I didn’t hate 2003’s Daredevil, unlike most movie-goers who were also fans of the comic book. For some reason, Elektra Natchios, of all characters, got her own spin-off movie, which sounded cool enough. Jennifer Garner returned to the role she played in Daredevil, she kicked a lot of butt in that movie, and she looked good doing so, of course it would work again, right? Wrong, unfortunately. Elektra takes a mystical turn, which is completely inconsistent with the tone of Daredevil, and though Jennifer Garner still looks really hot in red leather twirling her pair of sai, the movie lacks decent special effects, action, and coherence. Worst of all, it’s largely boring. Sorry, Ms. Natchios, but you should’ve stayed in Hell’s Kitchen. Of course now we have a new Elektra in the Daredevil Netflix series, which so far, is quite the contrary to both the Daredevil and Elektra films. 

8. Jonah Hex (2010)

I actually forgot I saw this movie for quite a while, but then I saw it in the bargain bin at Walmart and horrible memories started returning. I don’t know the first thing about the comic book character on which this movie’s based, but I can only imagine how bad fans must’ve felt when this poorly executed, laughable adaptation was released. Josh Brolin does what he can in the role, which is very little, as do all the other actors (even Megan Fox sort of tried), but nothing could save Jonah Hex from its flawed script and shoddy production value. Strangest of all is how short the movie is. It clocks in at just 81 minutes, which actually is a positive, because it means it ends that much sooner. If you haven’t seen this movie, leave it that way, but if you have, I’m sorry I reminded you about its existence. 

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

None of the five (soon to be six) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies have been hits with critics, but fans and critics can agree that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (often incorrectly given the subtitle “Turtles in Time”) is the worst of the series, and for me, one of the worst comic book movies ever. The rubber turtle suits look worse than they ever had, the humour is grating, and there’s a general lack of quality action. Having the turtles go back in time simply didn’t make for a very interesting or potential-filled premise. I think the best review of this movie that sums it all up is James Rolfe’s Angry Movie Nerd review, which breaks it down really well, and is hilarious at the same time. Definitely check that out instead of the actual movie. 

6. Howard the Duck (1986)

To most of the generation growing up with mainly awesome comic book adaptations these days, Howard the Duck is likely just a weird 80’s relic that they probably didn’t even realize was a Marvel character until he showed up in the after-credits scene of Guardians of the Galaxy (at which point they looked to their parents and asked, “what was with that talking duck?”, or maybe they didn’t question it, given they had just seen a movie featuring a talking raccoon and walking/talking tree). Howard the Duck is just a mess of a movie. Even if it had been made in animation as originally intended, it probably still would’ve sucked, but being in live-action made it even worse. 

5. Son of the Mask (2005)

 

There’s a very good chance this sequel is worse than several other movies higher up on this list, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen it, and it was just so bad, I can’t remember anything specific enough to warrant ranking it higher. What I do remember is The Mask with Jim Carrey is one of Carrey’s best movies, and the sequel, which ditched him and had the mask find a new owner, bored me even as a child. The visual effects and comedic action scenes were not revelations like they were before, and played too much like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Stupid sequel, the less said about it the better.  

4. Batman and Robin (1997) 

This one is kind of infamous in the conversation of worst movies ever, not just limited to comic book or superhero movies. For some it’s so bad it’s good, and while I think it has some parts that certainly are, overall I just can’t stand it. Seeing Batman disgraced like this is made even worse with how great Batman and Batman Returns were, with Michael Keaton as the Dark Knight, and Tim Burton’s dark, gothic take on the character. We got a preview of what was to come with Batman Forever, which is nowhere near as bad as Batman and Robin, but like a number of movies on this list, Batman and Robin was bad enough to kill the franchise. In this case, it would be quite a bit longer until Batman made a comeback with Batman Begins.

3. Catwoman (2004) 

In C.C.C issue 13 (Top Ten Worst Movies Released Theatrically) I put Batman and Robin one spot closer to #1 than Catwoman. Since making that list, I’ve revisited both movies, and I have to say, Catwoman gets one degree more hate simply for being boring. At least Batman and Robin is entertaining at times. Catwoman is just so purr-fectly shitty I can’t even get through it without fast-forwarding through some of the many scenes of nothingness. Remember how Batman was dead after Batman and Robin? Well it didn’t stop the studio from spinning off this famous anti-hero into her own movie, and then messing with the character’s lore in the worst ways possible. Well, okay, at least Halle Berry looked pretty good, but that stupid hat on her head just made me miss the far superior depiction by Michelle Pfeiffer.  

2. Ghost Rider (2007)/Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012) 

Okay, I have to admit something, I haven’t seen Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance in it’s entirety. But I don’t care, I’m slapping it in here with the first one because the first one was a pile of shit and the second one is surely just as bad if not worse. These movies are the textbook examples of how a comic book can be so grossly misinterpreted as a film. The first one felt like it was trying to be a comic book in movie form, rather than just trying to be a good movie. The cgi effects don’t look convincing at all, and having Nicholas Cage in the title role ruins that illusion even further. It doesn’t help that Ghost Rider has never been a favourite hero of mine, but it also didn’t help getting such incompetent writers and directors to helm both projects. 

1. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) 

This movie exists. I’d like to leave it at that, but I’ll extrapolate. First there was Baby Geniuses, a movie with babies, made for babies. Then there’s Super Babies, with the same premise of talking babies, but this time, they’re superheroes, fighting against Jon Voight, who plays a villain trying to control the world using TV. If someone, anyone, were to create a list of all the elements of a film, and I mean a comprehensive list—big things like director, writer, cinematographer, smaller things like lighting, dubbing, opening and closing titles—and beside each element, put an X and a check mark, and then evaluate this movie using this list, not a single thing on that list would have a check mark circled. There is absolutely nothing good about this movie. Nothing. I’m done. This is the lowest of the low when it comes to superhero movies. I dread the day, if the day ever comes, that I see a superhero movie worse than this. 

For more on several of these movies (including an anecdote about why Baby Geniuses 2 makes me feel like puking to this day), check out C.C.C Issue #13: http://cccmovies.blogspot.ca/2014/02/ccc-issue-13-top-ten-worst-theatrically.html

Top Five Most Preposterous Versus Movies: C.C.C Issue #45

Top Five Most Preposterous Versus Movies

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice hits theaters this weekend, and while many fans are excited to see the two heroes duke it out before teaming up and kick-starting the Justice League of America, a great number of people who aren’t as familiar with the comic books from which these heroes originate are asking a very simple but very valid question: why are Batman and Superman fighting? Aren’t they good guys? Aren’t they on the same team?

The idea of having Batman and Superman battle might seem a little silly to some, but it makes a hell of a lot more sense than these five absolutely ridiculous versus films that I’ve dug up. Coincidently (or maybe not coincidentally) they are all of the sci-fi-action genres, so you could take this as a top five most preposterous sci-fi versus movies, but I’d like to see someone else find five other more preposterous versus movies that aren’t these ones and aren’t in the sci-fi-action genres.

5. Boa vs. Python (2004)

The idea for this movie is pretty straight forward and, honestly, not a bad one. Two giant snakes battling to the death? Sure, sign me up. It’s the way the concept is executed that makes it so preposterous. Scientists send in a giant boa when some crazy rich dude unleashes a genetically-engineered python for him and his friends to hunt in the wild (like he thinks he’s the Predator or something). Boa vs. Python was released direct-to-video, features extremely crappy cgi, horrendous acting, a lack of good action scenes, but a ton of weird, silly, or downright idiotic moments. You can check out my review for more details (http://cccmovies.blogspot.ca/2015/10/boa-vs-python-2004-review.html) but what it comes down to is, Boa vs. Python was just a cash grab, unlike the other four versus movies on this list (well, unlike some of them).

4. Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010)

First there was Dinocroc in 2004. An un-assuming creature feature from Roger Corman, not terribly outrageous (scientists experiment on a resurrected Suchomimus, a real-life species of dinosaur, which gets loose and attacks people), but then there was 2007’s Supergator, which isn’t a sequel by title because Sci-Fi Channel didn’t want Corman to make a sequel. But it kind of is a sequel, he just didn’t call it Dinocroc 2. But it kind of isn’t a sequel, because it follows a different but similar crocodilian-type creature. And then, in 2010, the crossover I never thought would happen: Dinocroc vs. Supergator. I never saw Supergator, but I saw Dinocroc, and hated it, not because of what it was, but because of what it had the potential to be. Every actor in Dinocroc took the movie pretty seriously, which clashed horribly with the bad effects and directing. It should’ve been played up for maximum cheese the way the crossover eventually did. Just the idea of two totally made-up monsters that are sort of based on real dinosaurs battling is crazy, but take a look at the trailer on YouTube, and tell me if you don’t laugh.

3. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

This kicked off the long-going “Mega” series that SyFy is probably most well-known for next to their Sharknado series. I don’t really know if they all connect or not, but it doesn’t matter, because all that’s needed are two giant (or mega) shitty cgi creatures fighting and some ultra-low-grade actors spouting one-liners, and you have a potential entry in the “mega” series. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is cited as one of the most fun entries in this series. If you have to ask what the appeal is, then I think you might be reading the wrong top five list. This movie is exactly what it looks like, there’s no mystery about it. You could pick any number of the “Mega” films as being among the most preposterous versus movies—Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid—but the original tops them all, simply for being the one that started this whole insane line of “Mega” versus movies.  

2. Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

There must’ve been some kind of versus movie craze around 2010. This is definitely up there in the category of underappreciated, cheesy, outrageous versus movies, if such a category exists. It is certainly a cash-in on Alien vs. Predator (it even uses the abbreivation : AVN), but that doesn’t stop it from being totally balls-to-the-wall insane. Only the Japanese can come up with something as awesome as this. Again, this is exactly what you would expect, some ninjas fight some aliens. The aliens look really similar to H.R. Giger’s design for the creature in the original Alien, but hey, if you ever wanted to see the Alien fight some ninjas instead of the Predator, this is the movie for you. There’s an impressive amount of practical effects, unlike the aforementioned films, and the action scenes are pretty spectacular. It’s bloody, goes in some unusual directions, and has a twisted sense of humour, all of which just adds to the ridiculousness. I’d recommend checking this one out if you want to see the sub-genres of alien invasion films and ninja films collide.  

1. Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015)

Seriously, you had me at Sharktopus.

For me, Sharktopus holds a special place amid the collection of films that are so bad they’re good. The genetic hybrid of a shark and an octopus essentially takes the two stars of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and smashes them together to make a brand-new ass-kicking creature. But oh no, that was just the tip of the ice berg. Now take the DNA of a whale, and a wolf, and turn some poor guy into Whalewolf. Yes, Whalewolf is the creature’s actual name. I just feel bad it never got its own solo film first.

How do you escalate an already preposterous idea for a movie, in the form of Sharktopus? Why, you give the creature its own Twitter account in the sequel, of course (yes, this is actually in the movie, check the trailer). Oh, and you make it fight another genetic hybrid. And it didn’t even start with Whalewolf. Before this movie, there was Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda, a barracuda with pterodactyl DNA mixed in. I don’t know, doesn’t seem quite as ambitious as Whalewolf.

At this point, the very basic idea of a versus movie has been taken to the absolute brink of insanity. That is why Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf is, for the time being, the most preposterous versus movie ever. The question now, though: what will they have in store this year?