Top Ten Worst Movie
Titles
A picture says a
thousand words, but what does a movie title say? Well, it can be a simple,
to-the-point word that sums up everything you need to know about the premise,
or it could be a phrase, or a line from the movie, or a place, or a person, and
so on and so forth.
But sometimes, the
writers or producers or marketers or whoever it is who came up with the title
really craps the bed and that title is forever attached to that movie, whether
the movie is good or bad.
These ten instances,
though, are the most inexcusable. A title should trigger images of greatness
and heighten emotions at the mere mention of it, not the opposite.
[Dis]Honourable
Mentions:
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole: this animated
movie about talking, warring owls is actually great. The title, though, is way
too long and meaningless. The series of books it’s based on is called Guardians of Ga’Hoole. They could’ve
went with that, or, just Legend of the
Guardians, but instead they tried to mash the two, and it didn’t work out
so well. Pretty sure everyone just calls it “That Owl Movie” now.
The Constant Gardener: I’ll give this title points for being
memorable, because I remember hearing it as a kid and just thinking, “what does
that even mean?” This guy is just always gardening, I guess. And it’s some kind
of dark thriller, so the trailer narrator always said it with that guttural undertone,
which just makes it sound even funnier. Not the worst title, but dumb indeed.
Edge of Tomorrow: the little Tom Cruise/Emily Blunt sci-fi
actioner that could (kind of), but what it couldn’t do was decide on a title. Edge of Tomorrow sounds like a soap
opera, the subtitle “Live. Die. Repeat.” Was half-adapted as its new title on
home video, and the original title, All
You Need Is Kill (which is what the book is called that it’s based on)
sounds better than either of those other two.
Sssssss: is that with six “S”’s or seven? I guess all the other
snake movie titles had been used up? At least they got the right match of
animal to sound effect. Fun fact: look this title up on YouTube and you’ll get
all kinds of weird, interesting, and disturbing results (beyond just the
movie).
Freddy Got Fingered: straight-up sounds like a porn title. A
horrible title, but the movie itself is horrible, so, I can’t say it’s one of
the worst titles ever. They give you a fair warning that it’s bad with the
title itself. If you decide to watch it based on that, Godspeed.
10. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Starting off with a doozy. First of all, I Know What You Did Last Summer probably
only exists because of the success of Scream
(both movies written by the same screenwriter), which rekindled interest in
the slasher genre, but Scream is one
of those excellent one-word titles that’s ambiguous enough to be intriguing but
also telling enough to indicate the genre. I
Know What You Did Last Summer is almost a spoiler? I guess? But then
tacking on “Still” for the sequel just makes it sound worse, and makes it even
more too long. The third film, I’ll
Always Know What You Did Last Summer, is pretty bad too, but after the first
and second title, is it really a surprise?
9. Gigli
I’m still not sure how to say this one. Looks like giggly? All
I know is it doesn’t tell you a damn thing about the movie, but it didn’t
really matter back when it came out in 2003, because everyone knew it was a
rom-com starring then-real-life-couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck (A.K.A Bennifer).
The movie ended up being one of the worst of all-time, according to many
critics, which I can’t attest to that, having never seen it, as a connoisseur of
titles, I agree it’s one of the worst in that respect.
8. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
The Fast and Furious
franchise has a weird history of titles, but this second one is the dumbest to
me. Okay, to be fair, at least it indicates it’s the second movie, unlike
entries #3 (Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift)
and #4 (Fast and Furious, dropping “the”
and “the”), but it has to say “2” two times? I’m no math expert but doesn’t
that add up to four? It just sounds like a parody title.
7. eXistenZ
Go home, movie title, you’re drunk. Fact: misspelling a word
doesn’t come off as clever. I’ve never actually seen this David Cronenberg body
horror film, but would like to, based on the premise—not so much based on the
title. It’s one thing to misspell a word, but to throw in some capitals for
seemingly no reason? That’s crossing the line.
6. Blacula/Blackenstein
I’m putting both of these movies in, even though they aren’t
connected in any way, except that they both have black actors in the lead roles
and are Blaxploitation movies with horribly racist titles. Blacula even had a sequel, Scream
Blacula Scream (why are you screaming Blacula? Are you upset about the
title too?), and was the first in a line of many Blaxploitation horror movies.
Subbing out part of a famous title with “Black” just for marketability isn’t
creative and isn’t okay with me.
5. The Dark Knight Rises
You might be surprised to see this one on here, but it’s
bugged me ever since I heard it announced—in fact, it’s the whole reason I came
up with this list. I was and still am puzzled by this title choice, given that
it’s nearly identical to the second entry in the trilogy, only with Rises added at the end. But really, didn’t
the titular Dark Knight “rise” in the second movie, more than he did in the
third? Why didn’t they just go with The
Dark Knight Returns, like the comic book title? Or what about Batman Ends? It was common knowledge
this would be the last of the three Nolan Batman movies, and the first one was
called Batman Begins, now it ends!
But no, they went with a repetitious, lame title that, ironically enough, kind
of mirrored what the movie ended up being: repetitious from last time, and lame
compared to the previous entry.
4. Terminator Genisys
Now we’re getting into really terrible title territory (say
that ten times fast). As I’ve already said, spelling a word wrong in a title
was never cool, and never will be cool. This was the first sign of trouble for
the Terminator sequel/reboot/remake (remakequelboot?)
and the jokes at this title’s expense ended up being the best things about the
movie. Terminator: Jenny Smith, Terminator: Genishit, and Terminator: Mega Drive are my personal
favourites.
3. John Carter
Disney threw a lot of money into this [supposed-to-have-been]
blockbuster based on Edgar Rice Burroughs’s famous sci-fi adventure novels of
yesteryear, but they screwed up on one major thing: the marketing. The trailers
for this movie made it look like a tiny amount of greatness trapped inside a
storm of cgi garbage, and the final nail in the coffin was changing the title
from John Carter of Mars (as shown at
the end before the credits) to just John
Carter (as shown on every piece of marketing). The thought being “of Mars” would
turn people off, when really, it probably would’ve brought in more people,
because John Carter sounds like it
could be about some guy from anywhere, doing anything. It’s way too broad. The
movie bombed hard, even though it actually wasn’t that bad, and I think the
title is largely to blame. 
2. Troll 2
This title is deceptively stupid. You might be thinking,
hey, c’mon, what’s wrong with this? On the surface? Nothing. But give the movie
a watch, and you’ll discover this really is one of the worst movies ever made,
and while many will say it’s one of the best worst movies ever (so bad it’s
good) it’s mostly just boring. But the first big fail is that there are no
trolls in the movie. They’re called Goblins. And the second big fail, is it has
nothing to do with the first Troll movie.
So this basic movie title essentially fails at everything. It just doesn’t seem
like it, upon first look.
1. Star Wars titles
Before you unceremoniously shoot me with your blaster like Han
did Greedo in the un-altered edition of Episode
IV, let me preview this by clarifying this is in no way me dissing the Star Wars movies. I’m not even hating on
the prequels here. All I’m saying, is the Star
Wars series does not sport the best titles. This is more about quantity
than quality. None of the titles are really horrible, but as a single series of
films, there sure are a lot of bad ones. Let’s start at the beginning. The
original 1977 classic came out as Star
Wars, but was later given the subtitle A
New Hope to distinguish it among the franchise. A New Hope? Okay, a little vague, but not bad I guess. Then there
was The Empire Strikes Back, which is
pretty good, but then the title became Star
Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back. A bit long winded, isn’t it? Then
it just became a thing. Return of the
Jedi becomes Star Wars: Episode VI –
Return of the Jedi. Okay, fine, it’s a thing now (and Return of the Jedi is a solid title, by the way). But then there
were the prequels. The Phantom Menace?
Nope, there wasn’t really a phantom, and he wasn’t really a menace. Or did I
just miss something? It’s so dense, I know. Attack
of the Clones? Well the clones didn’t really attack until the end…Revenge of the Sith? Unless you’re
already deep into Star Wars the Sith
getting revenge is pretty much meaningless.
I know these titles don’t really matter, and it’s just
George Lucas paying tribute to the old adventure serials that inspired him in
the first place, but titles are important, and just the title Star Wars is perfect on its own, there
isn’t really a need for the additional titles. Imagine if it was just Star Wars I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII,
etc. and that’s it. What’s wrong with that?
Does the Star Wars
series deserve this top spot for worst movie title? Probably not, so I’ll throw
one more in as a bonus.
The REAL #1 worst
movie title:
The 41 Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad
About It
This title is absurd. Spoof titles don’t really need to be
works of art, they just have to sum up what the movie is spoofing. Superhero Movie. Date Movie. Airplane! Scary
Movie made use of the original title given to Scream. Occasionally you get a clever one like The Naked Gun. But this way-too-long-winded amalgamation of Judd
Apatow comedy titles? It reeks of desperation and completely lacks any
creativity. Worst. Movie Title. Ever. 
