C.C.C. Issue #20: Top Ten Unneccesary Remakes

Top Ten Unnecessary Remakes

If a film has proven successful before, you can almost guarantee it will be remade eventually. I’m counting down the top ten examples of remakes that, for various reasons, did not need to happen. These aren’t all terrible remakes, necessarily. Some of the most horrendous remakes ever aren’t even on this list. These are the ones that just didn’t need to be made and were pointless from the start, so no, 1998’s Godzilla won’t be here, because though it was bad, it did need to be made (it just should have been made by someone who knew what they were doing, fingers crossed that Gareth Edwards nails it with the new one). 

10. Robocop (2014), remake of Robocop (1987)

The first unnecessary remake here is also the most recent. The original Robocop, directed by Paul Verhoeven, is an eighties action classic, with over the top violence, awesome one liners, and even some social commentary. Although this year’s Robocop remake, to quote Rotten Tomatoes, “...wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been...” there was still no need in making it. One of the few things you could criticize about 1987’s Robocop is that the visual effects are outdated—particularly the stop motion used for the ED 209. As we’ve come to learn from films like the original Star Wars trilogy and Jaws, just because the effects don’t hold up to today’s standards, doesn’t make the film any less great, thanks to well written scripts and strong storytelling techniques. Other films, like the Star Wars prequel trilogy, prove you can’t mask a poor story with grandeur visuals, either. Sure the new Robocop has flashy cgi effects (and I have to admit, some of them are really great), but it lacks almost all of the charm of the original. The PG-13 rating meant it was less over the top by default, and it actually failed to deliver a larger helping of action. Though debatably the best remake on this list, it still didn’t need to be done.  

9. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008), remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a black and white sci-fi classic that has become recognized as one of the most important sci-fi films of its era. 20^th Century Fox thought the movie could use an update, so modernized it by keeping the same story but changing the alien’s motives. In the original, a UFO arrives on earth, containing an alien-humanoid named Klaatu and his robot wingman Gort. Klaatu is there to warn humankind with an ominous message. The film contains timely, cautionary cold war era concerns of nuclear war. In the remake, the major concern is climate change instead, and aside from grander special effects, the movie is mostly a disappointment. Even though there were some intelligent alterations, such as the reinvention of Gort from a silver eight foot tall guy in a suit to a thirty foot tall robotic entity that can de-atomize, the casting choices weren’t the best and the pacing is poor.  The visuals for the original film are, admittedly, terribly dated by today’s standards, but the acting and plot are as strong as ever—certainly holding up better over time than I’m sure the remake will. This is another example of a movie that was improved visually, but not retold in a better fashion.

8. The Invasion (2007), remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956/1978)

This loose adaptation of the classic sci-fi novel The Body Snatchers stars Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman, and may be considered less of a remake and more of a retelling of the source material. As far as I’m concerned, this is a remake that hits many of the same points as previous films inspired by or adapting the novel. The first Invasion of the Body Snatchers is still considered a horror classic to this day, and the remake of the same name is among the better horror remakes out there. As for the 1993 film Body Snatchers, it wasn’t a hit and strayed the farthest from the source novel. So why is The Invasion so unnecessary? It brings nothing new to the table in terms of concepts, and what kills it the most for me is the ending (spoilers for the 1978 remake and this film ahead).The 1978 film ends with a chilling scene where it’s revealed Donald Sutherland’s character has actually been taken over by the pod people, and it can be assumed they took over earth as the end credits roll. In The Invasion, the fungal alien disease is simply cured and everything is all happy at the end. This is only one of the steps taken backwards with this movie, and it pales in every way to the previous films, all of which were good in their own rights.

7. Total Recall (2012) remake of Total Recall (1990)

Here’s yet another sci-fi remake. A lot of people seemed to like this one, but I found it a largely dull affair. 1990’s Total Recall, another film directed by Paul Verhoeven, and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, has been called one of the last great rubber effects movies. This refers to the fact that, shortly after its release, filmmakers started relying on cgi for visual effects rather than practical effects—a trend that began with the major success of Terminator 2: Judgement Day, another Schwarzenegger film. The Total Recall remake, starring Colin Farrell as the same character Schwarzenegger portrayed, omits some elements of the original story, and in turn loses much of the entertainment value. Much like Robocop, this remake was a more serious, yet PG-13 take on the same overall story of the original, but it fails to leave any kind of impression or possess any real character as a film—even with some impressive visuals and the acting talent of Bryan Cranston involved, it still disappointed. Although the action was generally better and certain things were made more believable, it still didn’t deliver on many of the fronts 1990’s Total Recall did. Ultimately, this remake didn’t improve in any way, but luckily it also didn’t taint the original.

6. The Stepfather (2009), remake of The Stepfather (1987)

The story for both the original and remake, essentially, is a serial killer changes his appearance after killing a family, finds a new wife with a family of her own, and becomes, as the title indicates, the new ‘stepfather’. His eventual goal is to kill this family like he did the last one, but the kids are on to his scheme, and they expose him for the true slasher villain that he is. The original is a cult classic that came out when slasher films were in full swing. The success of the Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13^th, and Halloween franchises in the eighties meant the video market was becoming saturated with slashers trying to cash in on their popularity, but The Stepfather proved to be more than just another generic horror flick, largely thanks to a chilling performance from Terry O’Quinn. Once the 2000’s came around, so did the unending, unnecessary horror movie remakes (a couple of those are on this list), and The Stepfather was, for some reason, one of those. There is very little that’s dated about the original, and the remake did next to nothing to modernize the story. The biggest problem is it lacks the one element that set the original apart from other slashers, and that is the creepy central performance. The Stepfather remake is a dull, pointless affair. 

5. The Karate Kid (2010), remake of The Karate Kid (1984)

To be fair, The Karate Kid remake wasn’t that bad. Neither was the original, so why did the remake have to happen? Much like many of the movies on this list, the main thought was probably financial gain—people liked the movie the first time, they’ll probably like it again! Noriyuki “Pat” Morita was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as the karate master in the original. Jackie Chan is much less sensational as the karate master in the 2010 version, and Jaden Smith, who plays his apprentice, is a lot more annoying than Ralph Macchio (who played the bullied boy in the original). Will Smith was one of the producers on the film, so he was probably trying to get his son’s career going. Not a bad plan, but starring alongside each other in last year’s After Earth destroyed any hope that Jaden might have a career as big as his father’s one day. The fact that actual Karate isn’t even taught in the movie (Jaden’s taught Kung Fu instead) makes me think they should have titled it The Kung Fu Kid (which it was in some countries) and not labelled it a remake, but the studio probably wanted the marketability of the title. Not much more to say on this one, except that it’s not only unnecessary, but unfaithful to the original beyond the basic story arc.

4. Planet of the Apes (2001) remake of Planet of the Apes (1968)

One of Tim Burton’s worst films, Planet of the Apes had the potential to be a decent remake, but it was screwed up greatly. Before I get into why it’s bad and unnecessary, I should point out some of the positive aspects. Rick Baker’s makeup for the apes was very well done, the cast was full of talent, and it didn’t sour the original in any way—in fact, it was quite faithful. The problems range from questionable story elements, general cheesiness, and a squandering of the talented actors, but the cliff hanger ending in particular fell completely flat and left everyone scratching their heads. With the original Planet of the Apes, the ending (which I won’t spoil, even though pretty much everyone knows it) is genuinely surprising, unsettling, but makes sense. Even though Rick Baker’s makeup effects were good, they weren’t a vast improvement over the original apes, which still hold up to this day. Generally speaking, the original Planet of the Apes told a strong, serious sci-fi story—one that didn’t need retelling. As Roger Ebert said in his review, “Ten years from now, it will be the 1968 version that people are still renting.” This crappy remake was one of the reasons I was so surprised and pleased with 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which traded prosthetics for motion capture and told a more serious yet different origins story.

3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), remake of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Based on a story by Roald Dahl, the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is a classic musical adventure, filled with delicious visuals, a great performance from Gene Wilder as the titular factory owner, and even some frightening moments. If Planet of the Apes is one of Tim Burton’s worst movies, then Charlie and the Chocolate Factory surely is as well. Starring Johnny Depp as Wonka, this adaptation of the book actually proved successful and was well received by critics. The 1971 film earned positive reviews, but was considered a box office disappointment. Personally, I think the Tim Burton version is inferior, but that’s not why it’s on this list. Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is not dated, has few flaws, and did not need a remake. Though the remake is somewhat more faithful to the source material (apparently Roald Dahl disliked the 1971 film), it does nothing to enhance the story or make it stand apart from the original. The biggest issue is with Wonka himself. Gene Wilder was brilliant, swaying in and out of friendly, happy moods into dark and intimidating outbursts. Johnny Depp, though usually a great actor, comes off as just creepy. Unless you have a sweet tooth for Depp and Burton’s typical dark direction, this remake pales in comparison in almost every way to the original.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Michael Bay produced this remake of one of director Wes Craven’s best movies ever, and much like his other horror remakes, this is a totally useless film that tries too hard to be as scary as or scarier than the original. Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street wasn’t about subtlety. The visuals were grotesque, and Freddy Kruger (played by David Englund) is a sly, scary, and entertaining slasher villain. The Freddy Kruger of this remake is arguably the best element of an otherwise bland rehash. The true horror of Craven’s film was what we were seeing on screen, whether it’s Tina being slashed to death as she rolls around the ceiling, or Johnny Depp’s character being pulled into his bed to his death. The main reason these moments are scary is because the camera lingers on the carnage and we want to look away and yet not look away at the same time. With the remake, nearly every scare is a jump scare, where something pops out and you jump from the surprise. It’s cheap and works the first time (if lucky) but isn’t truly frightening. Revealing Freddy’s entire back story ruins any mystery surrounding the killer, and he becomes even less scary. Aside from a couple nods to the original, this remake offers nothing else for fans of the original to be happy about—the effects aren’t even an improvement. This failed remake was pointless to even attempt.

1. Psycho (1998), remake of Psycho (1960)

What was wrong with Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho? Absolutely nothing, and there still isn’t a damn thing wrong with it. It might not have the same effect on jaded modern audiences, sure, but it’s still great and didn’t need to be tampered with. Gus Van Sant’s remake is the perfect combination of terrible and unnecessary to put it at the top of this list. It was absolutely unnecessary to remake Psycho, but this remake tries to emulate the original by literally being a shot for shot remake. Everything from the infamous shower scene to the reveal of Mrs. Bates’ corpse is all recreated. It hits all the same notes as the original, but creates no symphony. It’s like an imperfect, colourized clone of Hitchcock’s horror classic. Vince Vaughn is completely unsuited to the role of Norman Bates, and his performance comes off as goofy rather than unsettling. Interestingly enough, I saw this version before the original when I was still young and significantly less knowledgeable about movies. It wasn’t until I started getting more interested in film, particularly in the horror genre, that I learnt all about Alfred Hitchcock and his original masterpiece. If there’s one positive thing I can give to this remake, it’s that it brought me closer to the original, but that’s literally the only purpose this remake can serve. It’s not only wholly redundant, but it was a huge waste of 60 million bucks (which it didn’t even fully earn back in ticket sales).

All posters from http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki