Sharktopus (2010) Review
Why am I reviewing Sharktopus? Good question! I first saw it quite a few years ago, thought it was worth a few laughs, but that was about it. As I watched more and more movies of the same sort, I forgot about it. It used to be one of my favourite so-bad-it’s-good movies, but I think I just got burned out on SyFy original films and all the Sharknados and increasingly worse productions to the point that to think back on Sharktopus and compare it with more stand-out-so-bad-it’s-good movies, it didn’t seem as great as it had when it first came out. Upon revisiting, I was minorly surprised to find it…holds up? No, that’s not quite the right credit. It’s a more entertaining so-bad-it’s-good creature feature than you might think.
So, what did this movie do for me? Honestly, it kind of made me want to go to Mexico. The locations they filmed at look beautiful, and I hope everyone on the production got to enjoy their stay.
It took five components to assemble the Sharktopus script. 1) There’s the main plot with the team trying to stop Sharktopus, which is the weakest component. 2) There’s the subplot with a pirate radio host and his hot co-host giving meta-commentary on the movie, with the most egregious lines literally dissing viewers themselves for watching such a silly movie because they are “easily entertained.” 3) There’s the other subplot with a reporter trying to get the inside scoop on Sharktopus. 4) There’s lots of stock footage of Mexico, and most of it has the same quality as vacation videos shot on a cheap camcorder. 5) The Sharktopus killing people. Of course number five is the best component of all, but the two subplots are actually kind of fun, too. The kills are gory and cartoony, and there aren’t just one or two, but many, which is a major plus.
Sharktopus has a Saturday morning cartoon vibe, and can be watched as such, preferably with a group of friends and some drinks, because you can tune in when Sharktopus kills people, kind of half-watch when the subplots are taking place, and tune out and have conversation while the main plot trudges on. Sharktopus never hit the mainstream the same way Sharknado did (a sticker on the DVD cover calls it the “hit film” as seen on SyFy, which made me laugh), but it still had sequels, which I think were actually more popular. Out of curiosity I gave them a watch—well, more of a cursory glance—so what the hell, I might as well cover the entire Sharktopus franchise!
Second in the series is Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda. If you thought the combo of a shark and octopus was stupid, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Somehow, scientists combined the DNA of a pterodactyl and a barracuda, and churned out a creature that’s actually cooler than Sharktopus. Seriously, Pteracuda is actually kind of sweet. This thing can swim and fly, and is more than a match for Sharktopus.
It feels redundant to say this sequel is worse than the first. I mean, take one look at the poster or a trailer or even just the title and that much will be obvious. There’s a bit more exaggerated carnage this time around, and a cameo by Conan O’Brien, who gets a super over-the-top death, which is one of the biggest highlights. Aside from that, there’s not much to say. It looks so hastily made that it pales in comparison to many YouTube productions, and the visual effects, somehow, look even cheaper than before.
The scale of the creatures is so far off from one scene to the next that—actually, no, there is no scale. They just make the creatures whatever size they want depending on the scene. The first skirmish between them happens before the halfway mark—a plus, to be sure—but the fights never amount to much and it ends with both beasts getting blown up in a very anticlimactic manner. But, oh no, Sharktopus somehow survives, ensuring its return for another battle with something even dumber than Pteracuda.
The first time I saw the title for the threequel, I seriously laughed out loud, hard. Imagine pitching a film called Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf. It’s easily the most-preposterous “versus” movie ever conceived, and might be one of the worst things I’ve ever casually glanced at. I didn’t properly watch it, but I saw enough. More than enough.
The opening credits for all films featuring Sharktopus are awful, but the opening credits for Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf in particular make the worst template out of windows movie maker look like an intro credit sequence made by Saul Bass (for those who don’t know he’s made some of the best credit sequences ever, look him up). I think they made them bad on purpose, just to give viewers a fair warning of what’s to come.
Unlike Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda, which seemed to largely copy the formula of the first Sharktopus, this time we have a bit of a different tale, with more drunken characters, a mad scientist with one of the worst German accents I’ve ever heard, and a secret experiment where she turns a dude into the Whalewolf by mixing DNA and shooting him with lightning. Sure, toss in some Frankenstein motifs, they’ve already ripped off plenty of other better stories to concoct these abominations, and throw in some Wolf Man as well, so he turns into Whalewolf on the full moon.
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf is unbelievably trashy, but it also tries really hard to be purposefully funny and self-aware. It allows for a couple genuine laughs, but mostly is just exhausting and nauseating. Sharktopus eats a guy and makes a human belch, Whalewolf drinks from a toilet, and I think Whalewolf might have peed on someone at one point. It’s seriously just pathetic, and even though the visual effects are less bad than before, both monsters still look like shiny plastic toys and behave much like a child playing with said toys. I guess I can understand how some might find Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf so shockingly bad that it becomes entertaining, but I did not. I’m done with Sharktopus; unfortunately SyFy probably isn’t done with him, because he comes back at the very end, potentially setting up another sequel. I wish SyFy would just give it up. I think everyone is tired of these purposefully-badly-made, lame-brain-concepts for monster movies. Leave it up to Toho and bring Godzilla back!
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