Top Ten Films That Deserve a Remake: C.C.C. Issue #44

Top Ten Films That Deserve a Remake

With the recent reveal of Marvel’s new incarnation of Spider-Man in the latest Captain America: Civil War trailer, plus the lack of enthusiasm for the first trailer for the Ghostbusters reboot, I’ve once again been thinking of movie remakes, but instead of dwelling on the fact that Hollywood seems content to remake everything and anything at this point, I started thinking of movies that actually should get remade. Yes, there are some of those out there.

Disclaimer: I only picked movies that aren’t already scheduled to be remade, so for example, while I definitely want to see a King Kong vs. Godzilla remake, there’s already one set for release in 4 years. 

10. Resident Evil (2002)

If the video game craze does kick off this year like some people are speculating, what with the release of Warcraft this summer and Assassin’s Creed this winter, I think it’s about time fans of the Resident Evil videogame series get a chance to see the game more faithfully adapted for the big screen. I enjoy the dumb fun of Paul W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil movies, but right from the start, the first movie didn’t really follow the games very closely, and while I like that he made the movie its own thing, fans revolted, and every sequel since has strayed further from the games. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is set to come out early next year, and is (supposedly) going to be the “final chapter” (but we’ve seen other horror series say that before too, only to continue). It would be nice to see a new director and new creative team come in and totally revamp the series, but keep it truer to the suspenseful horror roots of the game, instead of making it a big dumb action/effects/explosion fest. 

9. Transformers (2007)

Similarly to the Resident Evil response, true fans of the original source material are completely unsatisfied at this point with Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, and just like Resident Evil again, many fans were upset right from the first movie. I actually enjoyed the first Transformers, even though the giant morphing robots looked radically different from the cartoon/action figure line, but I’ve gone on record as saying Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. The third movie was better, but I’ve only seen it once and don’t care to ever see it again, and I had a bad feeling about Age of Extinction as soon as I heard Bay was returning, so I still haven’t seen it, but most people seem to agree it’s perhaps the worst of all four movies. There’s no end in sight for Bay’s Transformers, but let’s hope one day soon, Paramount reboots the franchise and creates transformers that aren’t made of a million pieces of tiny metal shards and don’t have giant wrecking balls for testicles and don’t pee on people using lubricant and don’t make racist jokes and don’t feature terrible human characters. Let’s hope.

8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Now before you freak out, let me explain. The Silence of the Lambs is one of the best horror/thrillers ever made, there’s no denying that. There’s also no denying that a remake is totally unnecessary, but really, remaking any movie is unnecessary. The reason I think it could not just be done, but be done well, is because of the Hannibal TV series. Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal Lector is incredible, giving his own take on the character that’s different from Anthony Hopkins’ own indelible portrayal, but is still true to the character. The series essentially remade Red Dragon in its third season, and arguably did a better job than either of the previous film adaptations (1986’s Manhunter and 2002’s Red Dragon). Unfortunately, the TV series was cancelled last year by NBC and hasn’t been picked up by another network. What if, and bear with me here, they did a film sequel (the show ends on a literal cliff hanger, and could be a definite ending or be continued, it’s left slightly ambiguous) and brought back Mikkelsen as Lector, along with the writers of the show, and let them do their own take on the Silence of the Lambs story. I think it could be a worthy successor to the TV series, as well as a worthy remake that’s different enough from the original film, and even if it failed, it wouldn’t matter, because there will always be the original, no matter what.

7. Congo (1995)

Many of Michael Crichton’s novels have been made into films, some of them huge successes (none bigger than Jurassic Park), but many of them, unfortunately, suck. One of those sucky ones is Congo. The novel is a fast-paced adventure with the distinctive Crichton combo of hypothetical science and exciting action. The film, on the other hand, is a cheesy-as-hell romp through the jungle with special effects that range from fairly decent to downright unacceptable. The acting is bad, the apes frequently look fake, and the ending is just stupid. An argument could be made that we’ve already had Congo semi-remade via another film reboot, and that would be Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which also features an ape (Caesar, played by Andy Serkis) that can speak using sign language, but I want to see a remake that’s accurate to the plot of the novel, while also using that same technology that brought Caesar to life. Cast some good actors in the human roles (hell, cast good actors in the ape roles, too) and hire a capable director, and I think a remake that far exceeds the original wouldn’t be hard to accomplish.  (And while they’re at it they can remake Sphere, as well.)

6. Them! (1954)

I could have just filled this list with old horror movies, but a) that would’ve been too easy and b) they don’t all need to be remade. Them! should definitely be remade, and now is the perfect time to do it. A remake could go the route of being really purposefully cheesy and self-aware, and that might be a good way to go, given the premise is giant radioactive ants are trying to kill everyone, but I think it could be done in a serious way and audiences will still buy it. We are (hopefully) in the midst of a giant monster movie resurgence, what with Godzilla and Pacific Rim and the upcoming Kong: Skull Island (among others), so now would be the time to bring back Them! for modern audiences, many of whom probably wouldn’t even know it is a remake.  

5. Carnosaur (1993)

If you’ve looked at my blog before, you probably know by now I’m a huge dinosaur fan. There can never be too many dinosaur movies, and I think with the huge success of Jurassic World last summer, we can expect a few more on the horizon. If Jurassic Park can get a reboot-ish sequel, why not do the same for Carnosaur? The first Carnosaur came out in theaters mere weeks before the original Jurassic Park, and while it never went on to be a huge success, there were two direct sequels made, plus a couple sort-of-spinoffs. Carnosaur used fake-looking puppets instead of cgi, and though they looked terrible, the movie was R-rated and went for the hard-core violence, unlike the PG-13 thrills of Jurassic Park. People need a new R-rated dinosaur franchise, and a new take on Carnosaur would be the way to do it. The important thing would be to keep the humour and cheesiness intact. Carnosaur had purposefully over-the-top violence and numerous one-liners (examples: As the main character’s about to kill the T-rex: “I hate wildlife”, the hippie encountering a raptor: “Greetings green brother” and of course the Jurassic Park reference: “That’d make a great theme park.”) but then again, it could also try to be more faithful to the novel which the first movie is based on. Either way, it would make for an awesome update and deliver some intense dinosaur carnage.  

4. The Clan of the Cave Bear (1986)

Keeping with the prehistoric movie motif, The Clan of the Cave Bear was based on the first novel in author Jean M. Auel’s Earth’s Children book series. The book is an incredibly well-researched and in-depth look at Neanderthals interacting with early homo sapiens in Europe during the Ice Age. I would have suggested remaking Quest For Fire, a similarly-themed film albeit with a more fictional and humorous take, but that movie is perfect as it is, whereas The Clan of the Cave Bear film isn’t that great. It isn’t particularly bad, but hasn’t aged particularly well, and none of Auel’s subsequent novels were ever adapted. It would be great to see Clan of the Cave Bear rebooted and followed up with sequels, though I can see why no studios have done this, as it would be a difficult series to market. None of the characters speak, cave men movies aren’t popular at all, and it doesn’t seem like the type of property that would attract big name stars. Lifetime tried to get it going as a series, but the project fell through. Because the novel series is so sprawling, it may be better to adapt it as a series on Netflix or HBO, but I’d like to see a cinematic adaptation, though I doubt I ever will.

3. Gamera (1965)

I mentioned back at #6 that we might be in an era where giant monster movies are popular with American audiences again. If this is true, and I suspect it is, it’s time to pay a certain giant monster his due. Godzilla has had two American remakes. King Kong has had two American remakes, plus a Japanese adaptation, and a new one is on its way. Anyone who is a true giant monster movie fan knows Gamera, the atomic mutant turtle, is certainly among the top-ranking giant movie monsters of all-time. Gamera has never had an American remake, but he seriously needs one. A proof of concept trailer for a reboot was shown at New York Comic-Con last year, simply titled Gamera, but that was from Kadokawa studios, the Japanese producer of all the Gamera films so far. I’d be excited to see that happen, of course, but here’s what would be a million times more exciting: Legendary Pictures acquires the rights to make an American remake of Gamera. Kong: Skull Island comes out in 2017 as planned. Godzilla 2 comes out in 2018 as planned. Godzilla vs. Kong comes out in 2020 as planned. THEN, it’s followed up with the ultimate crossover, with Kong, Godzilla, AND Gamera all in the same movie! My mind would literally explode.

2. Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

While this movie hasn’t been officially announced yet, you can probably expect to hear something about it soon, because Universal is in the process of rebooting their classic monsters, even though no one cares. In the past few years, there have been attempts to reinvigorate interest in monsters like Frankestein and Dracula and the Wolf Man, but none of them have hit home with movie-goers. There was some slight confusion about the proposed Universal Monsters Cinematic Universe that is supposedly underway; it seemed like 2014’s Dracula Untold was going to be the first, but then they sort of retconned it and said it wasn’t. Now it sounds like The Mummy reboot starring Tom Cruise is going to be the first, followed by all the other monsters getting rebooted, which will undoubtedly include my personal favourite, the Gill Man, as first seen in Creature from the Black Lagoon. Here’s the thing: I don’t mind the idea of a cinematic universe for these characters (even though everything seems to need to be a cinematic universe these days), since they pretty much pioneered the whole concept back in the 40’s, but I don’t want them to be action movies, I want them to be horror movies. So while I really do want a Creature from the Black Lagoon remake (in 3D, because the original was in the old-fashioned anaglyph 3D so it would actually be respectful to shoot it in 3D), I really want it to be as scary as possible, but am prepared to be disappointed.

1. The Lost World (various)

No, I’m not talking about the sequel to Jurassic Park. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s novel The Lost World, published in 1912, has been adapted to film a whopping five times (that’s not including a TV series adaptation or the 1992 sequel Return to the Lost World or the Jurassic Park sequel, which had similar story elements, but ultimately is not a direct adaptation, nor is Michael Crichton’s novel upon which the movie was based). It’s time for a new take on the classic story. Every movie has taken its own approach to the source material, some takes being more faithful than others, but the one I think is the best so far is the 2-part BBC made-for-TV-movie from 2001. With a bigger budget, a director who knows how to craft good action scenes and handle visual effects while also keeping a strong focus on characters, plus some young Hollywood talent, it could make for one of the best action-adventures in a long time. As I already said, expect more dinosaur movies in the near future. I really, really hope this is one of them. Unlike Carnosaur, this could be a serious but still fun dinosaur movie, as well as a chance to depict dinosaurs in a more realistic way than they’ve ever been depicted in a feature film. Please, Hollywood, stop doing pointless remakes and start remaking something like this, something that’s great in its own right, but is dated, and deserves a modern update.