Top 10 Worst Superhero
Movies
Unfortunately for DC fans, the conversations about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, only
the second entry in the DC Cinematic Universe, are more to do with how the
movie is disappointing rather than satisfying.
Back in C.C.C Issue #27, I covered what I thought were the
ten best superhero movies to date (a list that has since changed quite a bit
since), but now it’s time to look at ten of the worst. Some of these might be
less “superhero” movies than they are simply “comic book” movies, but they’re
still about heroes, even if they aren’t necessarily of the “super” variety.
This is not a definitive top ten list, these are just my own
top ten worst, though I’m aware of many worse ones out there that I haven’t
seen.
Dishonourable
Mentions: I haven’t seen any of these, but I know they’re in the
conversation of worst ever.
-Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
-Supergirl (1984)
-Superhero Movie (2008)
-The Spirit (2008)
-Steel (1997)
-Captain America (1990)
-Green Lantern (2011)
-Fantastic Four (take your pick)
10. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)
Some might say Spider-Man
3 is among the worst superhero movies ever, and while I agree it was
disappointing, it’s not near as bad as the one that killed the franchise a
second time. I wasn’t a fan of the first Amazing
Spider-Man, but Amazing Spider-Man 2
was almost universally rejected by the movie-going community, despite raking in
hundreds of millions of dollars. It attempts to set up future movies and fails,
it ruins not one, not two, but three
classic Spidey villains, is so all over the place that it feels like it could’ve
(and should’ve) been multiple movies, and intrudes into the realm of being cartoony,
similar to what Spider-Man 3 did,
only much worse. Aside from the chemistry between Andrew Garfield and Emma
Stone, there’s little that’s good, and it was obvious Sony hadn’t learned from
the mistakes made with Spider-Man 3. Thankfully,
Sony struck a deal with Marvel, and we get to see a brand-new take on the
friendly neighbourhood hero starting with this summer’s Captain America: Civil War. Hopefully the new stand-alone Spider-Man film set for release next
summer doesn’t turn out like this turd (which happens to be the most recent of
the ten movies on this list).
9. Elektra (2005)
I didn’t hate 2003’s Daredevil,
unlike most movie-goers who were also fans of the comic book. For some reason,
Elektra Natchios, of all characters, got her own spin-off movie, which sounded
cool enough. Jennifer Garner returned to the role she played in Daredevil, she kicked a lot of butt in
that movie, and she looked good doing so, of course it would work again, right?
Wrong, unfortunately. Elektra takes a
mystical turn, which is completely inconsistent with the tone of Daredevil, and though Jennifer Garner
still looks really hot in red leather twirling her pair of sai, the movie lacks
decent special effects, action, and coherence. Worst of all, it’s largely
boring. Sorry, Ms. Natchios, but you should’ve stayed in Hell’s Kitchen. Of
course now we have a new Elektra in the Daredevil
Netflix series, which so far, is quite the contrary to both the Daredevil and Elektra films.
8. Jonah Hex (2010)
I actually forgot I saw this movie for quite a while, but
then I saw it in the bargain bin at Walmart and horrible memories started
returning. I don’t know the first thing about the comic book character on which
this movie’s based, but I can only imagine how bad fans must’ve felt when this
poorly executed, laughable adaptation was released. Josh Brolin does what he
can in the role, which is very little, as do all the other actors (even Megan
Fox sort of tried), but nothing could save Jonah
Hex from its flawed script and shoddy production value. Strangest of all is
how short the movie is. It clocks in at just 81 minutes, which actually is a
positive, because it means it ends that much sooner. If you haven’t seen this
movie, leave it that way, but if you have, I’m sorry I reminded you about its
existence.
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
None of the five (soon to be six) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies have been hits with critics,
but fans and critics can agree that Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles III (often incorrectly given the subtitle “Turtles in
Time”) is the worst of the series, and for me, one of the worst comic book
movies ever. The rubber turtle suits look worse than they ever had, the humour
is grating, and there’s a general lack of quality action. Having the turtles go
back in time simply didn’t make for a very interesting or potential-filled
premise. I think the best review of this movie that sums it all up is James
Rolfe’s Angry Movie Nerd review, which breaks it down really well, and is
hilarious at the same time. Definitely check that out instead of the actual
movie.
6. Howard the Duck (1986)
To most of the generation growing up with mainly awesome
comic book adaptations these days, Howard
the Duck is likely just a weird 80’s relic that they probably didn’t even
realize was a Marvel character until he showed up in the after-credits scene of
Guardians of the Galaxy (at which
point they looked to their parents and asked, “what was with that talking duck?”,
or maybe they didn’t question it, given they had just seen a movie featuring a
talking raccoon and walking/talking tree). Howard
the Duck is just a mess of a movie. Even if it had been made in animation
as originally intended, it probably still would’ve sucked, but being in
live-action made it even worse.
5. Son of the Mask (2005)
There’s a very good chance this sequel is worse than several
other movies higher up on this list, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen it,
and it was just so bad, I can’t remember anything specific enough to warrant
ranking it higher. What I do remember is The
Mask with Jim Carrey is one of Carrey’s best movies, and the sequel, which
ditched him and had the mask find a new owner, bored me even as a child. The
visual effects and comedic action scenes were not revelations like they were
before, and played too much like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Stupid sequel, the
less said about it the better.
4. Batman and Robin (1997)
This one is kind of infamous in the conversation of worst
movies ever, not just limited to comic book or superhero movies. For some it’s
so bad it’s good, and while I think it has some parts that certainly are,
overall I just can’t stand it. Seeing Batman disgraced like this is made even
worse with how great Batman and Batman Returns were, with Michael Keaton
as the Dark Knight, and Tim Burton’s dark, gothic take on the character. We got
a preview of what was to come with Batman
Forever, which is nowhere near as bad as Batman and Robin, but like a
number of movies on this list, Batman and
Robin was bad enough to kill the franchise. In this case, it would be quite
a bit longer until Batman made a comeback with Batman Begins.
3. Catwoman (2004)
In C.C.C issue 13 (Top Ten Worst Movies Released Theatrically)
I put Batman and Robin one spot
closer to #1 than Catwoman. Since
making that list, I’ve revisited both movies, and I have to say, Catwoman gets one degree more hate
simply for being boring. At least Batman
and Robin is entertaining at times. Catwoman
is just so purr-fectly shitty I can’t even get through it without
fast-forwarding through some of the many scenes of nothingness. Remember how
Batman was dead after Batman and Robin?
Well it didn’t stop the studio from spinning off this famous anti-hero into her
own movie, and then messing with the character’s lore in the worst ways
possible. Well, okay, at least Halle Berry looked pretty good, but that stupid
hat on her head just made me miss the far superior depiction by Michelle
Pfeiffer.
2. Ghost Rider (2007)/Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)
Okay, I have to admit something, I haven’t seen Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance in it’s
entirety. But I don’t care, I’m slapping it in here with the first one because
the first one was a pile of shit and the second one is surely just as bad if
not worse. These movies are the textbook examples of how a comic book can be so
grossly misinterpreted as a film. The first one felt like it was trying to be a
comic book in movie form, rather than just trying to be a good movie. The cgi
effects don’t look convincing at all, and having Nicholas Cage in the title
role ruins that illusion even further. It doesn’t help that Ghost Rider has
never been a favourite hero of mine, but it also didn’t help getting such
incompetent writers and directors to helm both projects.
1. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
This movie exists. I’d like to leave it at that, but I’ll
extrapolate. First there was Baby Geniuses,
a movie with babies, made for babies. Then there’s Super Babies, with the same premise of talking babies, but this
time, they’re superheroes, fighting against Jon Voight, who plays a villain
trying to control the world using TV. If someone, anyone, were to create a list
of all the elements of a film, and I mean a comprehensive list—big things like
director, writer, cinematographer, smaller things like lighting, dubbing,
opening and closing titles—and beside each element, put an X and a check mark, and
then evaluate this movie using this list, not a single thing on that list would
have a check mark circled. There is absolutely nothing good about this movie.
Nothing. I’m done. This is the lowest of the low when it comes to superhero
movies. I dread the day, if the day ever comes, that I see a superhero movie worse than this.
For more on several of these movies (including an anecdote
about why Baby Geniuses 2 makes me
feel like puking to this day), check out C.C.C Issue #13: http://cccmovies.blogspot.ca/2014/02/ccc-issue-13-top-ten-worst-theatrically.html
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