Children of the Corn (1984) Review

Children of the Corn (1984) Review

Do you have a fear of children, or corn? If so, Children of the Corn will definitely freak you out. If you’re like me and neither of those things really scare you, don’t worry, there’s still a chance you’ll be entertained by this unusual cult classic. 

A couple are on a road trip. The woman is played by Linda Hamilton, A.K.A Sarah Conner from Terminator (but not muscular badass Sarah from T2: Judgment Day, more like weak, victimized Sarah from the first movie). They get lost on the backroads of Nebraska and come across the small rural town of Gatlin, which appears abandoned at first, but they soon discover it’s populated only by children. However, these aren’t just any kids. These kids are part of a cult led by a young messiah and sacrifice adults to the God in their cornfields.   

Children of the Corn is a pretty original premise, despite having some elements that strongly reminded me of Village of the Damned and The Wicker Man (the original, not the Nicholas Cage one). But there’s no denying this movie is cheesy (or, I guess, corny?) to the core. 

Two of the best parts happen early on. The first scene depicts the creepy kids staging the murder of the adults in a diner, and it gets really bloody really fast. The second part comes not long after, when a kid tries to escape the corn cult and gets hunted down by the leader’s henchman (Hench kid?). He gets his throat slit, then staggers onto the road, and is hit dead-on at high speed by the couple’s car. It’s such a shocking and brutal death, it’s actually too extreme to be scary and is just hilarious (albeit memorable) instead. After these two big moments in the beginning, the rest is a slow build-up to a bizarre conclusion complete with laugh-out-loud 80’s effects and Linda Hamilton strung up on a cross made of corn. 

The premise is played completely straight, which often had me laughing, because it’s pretty damn absurd to watch a little kid who looks more like a little old man who put the skin of a little boy on like some kind of Buffalo Bill (sorry kid, I’m sure you were very nice in real life) and listen to him spout out dialogue about “He who walks behind the rows”. Oh yeah, and the whole supernatural force within the crops? Not really explained. 

About the kids, though: the main two—Isaac, the little leader, and his henchman, red-headed Malachai—are truly scary looking. And even though the concept is absurd, I still understand, and even felt, the creepy factor about it. The idea of kids wielding sickles and coming after you in hordes is, admittedly, a pretty disturbing idea. 

But for all the fun parts to this movie, there are many annoying or simply dull parts. The greatness of the opening scene is tainted by the narration from one of the non-evil kids, which is used sporadically throughout the movie, and of course there are ineffective jump scares and false scares peppered throughout. And I’m probably not supposed to ask this, but, how did these kids survive for so long without the help of adults? Who fed them? Are they just eating corn all the time?  

This movie really isn’t anything remarkable, and yet it’s left an undeniable impression on pop culture, having been referenced in other movies and TV shows many times. But strangest of all is how prolific this series became. Nothing about the ending really warrants a sequel (except maybe leaving a fair amount unexplained), but the movie made so much money, a sequel was inevitable. Who could have guessed there would be seven more movies? Sure, all of them were direct-to-DVD after part two, but still, that’s a hell of a lot more sequels than many horror franchises more deserving of sequels will ever get. Why do people keep watching these things? I guess they just can’t get enough of murderous kids and their corn crops. 

Children of the Corn is a lot of things. It’s silly, entertaining, sometimes surprising, occasionally frightening, but, most certainly, corny.