Piranha (2010) Review

WEEK 5: SOMETHING SMELLS FISHY

Piranha (2010) Review

Happy Halloween! 

It’s been a crazy month of animals run amok, from killer fish and crocodiles to giant spiders and snakes, but now I’ve finally arrived at the last review for this year’s Creepy Cinema. If you missed any of the reviews, check back on my blog to find them.

Yesterday I reviewed the cult classic Piranha, and today, I’m looking at the remake from 2010 (often referred to as Piranha 3D, despite the 3D part not really applying anymore), which I watched before the original—at the theatre, in 3D, on my 16^th birthday, to be precise. I watched it with a bunch of friends, and none of them elicited the same response I did. They were generally unimpressed and thought what they saw was bad. If you have shown any interest in even a few of the films I’ve reviewed this month, then it should be of no surprise to hear that I love this movie, and you will likely agree with me.

The basic premise of a bloodthirsty school of piranhas attacking innocent swimmers remains the same, but this remake alters the setting and piranha origins enough to make it fresh and not just an imitation of the original. This time around, an earthquake opens a fissure at the bottom of Lake Victoria, which connects to an underground lake filled with prehistoric piranhas and their millions of eggs. This happens in the opening scene, where a fisherman (played by Richard Dreyfuss, A.K.A. Matt Hooper from Jaws) gets sucked into a whirlpool caused by the opening of the fissure, and he’s eaten by the piranhas. The story follows the typical spring-break antics on Lake Victoria, including swimming, drinking, wet t-shirt contests, bikinis, boobs, butts, sex, drugs, and all that good stuff. A local kid gets recruited by a director to show him where the best places on the lake are, so he can film his “actors” perform (and by actors, I mean porn stars), which he does instead of listen to his mom and watch his younger brother and sister. His mom also happens to be the chief of police at Lake Victoria, and has her hands full with trying to control the partying, while also taking a seismologist team out on the lake to study the seismic activity. The piranhas soon reveal themselves, and the lake turns into a bloodbath. Everyone is fighting for their lives as the ravenous fish swarm anyone in the water and strip them. Of flesh. Not their swim suits. Well, actually they do that as well, but more by default than on purpose.

The Piranha remake is one of the best killer animal films of this decade, and definitely among the greatest horror remakes ever. While the original was not overly thrilling or impressive, this movie is balls-to-the-wall and literally goes for the jugular. How it achieved an R-rating and not an NC-17 blows me away. I was floored the first time I saw it. Even on repeat, it’s still entertaining as hell. There’s partying everywhere, boobs left and right, and when the piranhas initiate their full-on attack, the carnage goes up to 11. I think they must have broken some kind of record for gallons of blood used in a movie—I know they dyed the lake red for some scenes, and they even tint the screen red for one shot in the opening scene. This movie has some of the most extreme and creative kills I’ve ever seen in any animal attack film, and many of them are not a direct result of the fish themselves. That’s not to say the fish don’t deliver. The piranhas are fearsome-looking and get just the right amount of screen time.

This movie could be easily picked apart on multiple levels. Is the plot original? No. Is the acting incredible? No (not surprising, given one of the main actresses is an actual porn star). Are the cgi effects for the piranhas flawless? No. But do any of those three things really matter? No! The plot works to deliver as much murder and mayhem as possible. The acting is above average for this sort of film, and a number of quality actors are featured, including genre-veterans Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames. Other lesser known actors fill the main roles, but visually there are no problems with them (that’s right Kelly Brook, I’m talking about you). The visual effects are fairly consistent, and there’s not an over-reliance on computer generated effects for the blood and gore. There are times when the cgi really stands out as looking bad, but that’s only because it’s in contrast with the shots that look quite good. The piranhas, which were designed by legendary creature designer Neville Page, look terrific—much better than in the original—and director Alejandro Aja takes the time to give them their close ups. He also gives many other things their much-needed close ups, in all their 3D glory. Catch my drift?

The main thing to note about Piranha 3D is that it never takes itself too seriously. This is a fun movie that delivers on the violence and sex and extremeness in a way not enough animal attack films do. It’s taken to the absolute limit, and even though there’s not a huge focus on the piranhas themselves, it’s still an animal amok film through-and-through. It’s never really scary, though it does try to throw in some jump scares and surprises. It’s the kind of horror that makes you laugh, because what you’re seeing is so extreme and gratuitous. From scene-to-scene, there’s always something entertaining going on. However, the second act ends on such a high note it feels like the action peaks too early, and the third act feels slower as a result, though it still packs in more gore and shocks and thrills. The ending is one of the best-worst movie endings ever, but that brings me to the worst part of Piranha 3D, and it doesn’t even have to do with the actual movie.

You may be aware there is a sequel, so it’s not really a spoiler to say this first one ends on a cliff hanger. I was really excited to hear about the prospect of a sequel, and when I saw the first trailer, I was a little confused. Turns out the piranhas in the first film were babies, and the adults are much bigger. But, in the trailer for the second one (appropriately called Piranha 3DD) the fish are all small. Weird, but whatever, I thought. It still looked like it would be fun and up the ante from the first one. Then the announcement came that Piranha 3DD was going straight to VOD. That was a huge red flag. I held off on watching it, then saw it on Netflix a few months later. I could not even get through it. I fast-forwarded through most parts, waiting for something awesome to happen, but alas, it was one of the worst things I have ever attempted to see. Nothing that made the first one great is present in the sequel. I could not spy a single positive thing about it. Even if you like this first one, don’t watch it. I can’t imagine what someone who didn’t like the first one would think of it. Pretend Piranha 3DD doesn’t exist. The franchise lives and dies with the 2010 remake, that’s all you need to know.

To sum it all up, Piranha 3D is a blast. It gives viewers exactly what they want to see and what they expect to see, so in a way it’s predictable, but in the exact details of what is shown is where the real surprises abound. It might not have as much re-watchability for some, but I still find it entertaining to watch again and again. If you can find it on 3D blu ray, that’s even better.

This concludes year two of Clayton’s Creepy Cinema! I hope you all enjoyed hearing about killer creature films—hopefully I covered a few hidden gems you’ve never heard of and will enjoy seeking out—and I’ll be back next year to deliver 31 more reviews, perhaps more of them in the actual realm of horror. Have a safe and happy Hallows Eve!