Hatchet (2006) Review

Hatchet (2006) Review

Hatchet is a campy slasher movie with the same sensibilities as the classics from the sub-genre's 1980's heyday. A pre-credit sequence has a guy and his grouchy father hunting an alligator in a swamp at night—the father played by Freddy Kruger himself, Robert Englund—and the hunters become the hunted, executed in gory fashion by an unseen killer (not a gator). Then we get opening credits played over what looks like authentic footage of a Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans, accompanied by music by Marilyn Manson. It’s an effective way to hook viewers and give a sense of what is to come. 

The main characters are a pair of friends. One just broke up with his girlfriend, and he’s a total drag. He isn’t into the partying and just wants to go on a haunted swamp tour. His friend feels guilty so joins him, and he is really funny, but there isn’t a good balance between the two of them. The other guy just sucks. They talk to a tour guide, and we get another slasher cameo: Tony Todd, who played Candyman. He no longer does tours, so they go to a sleazier place and embark on the boat tour. 

Other characters on the tour include a stuffy old couple, mysterious chick packing heat, a faux porn director, and two wannabe celebrities. They are guided by an annoying tour guide who turns out to be brand new at his job...and pretty incompetent. He crashes the boat on some rocks and they become stranded in the swamp. There’s more to worry about than just gators, though. An urban legend turns out to be real when a deformed supernatural slasher villain named Victor Crowley shows up and hunts them down one by one.

The two primary reasons to watch Hatchet are two of the same reasons to watch most slasher movies: for the nudity and the gore. Hatchet has lots of tits and some incredibly over-the-top, gory kills shown quite explicitly, though always at night with excessively unrealistic lighting. But, beyond the kills and some funny dialogue, it doesn’t have much else to offer. The characters are just there to be killed; hardly any of them matter or are very likable. This is true of many slasher movies, but the ones that rise above the others usually feature interesting killers at least. Hatchet tries to create a new horror icon, to mixed results.

Victor Crowley isnt much different from Jason Voorhees—he's even played by Kane Hodder, who portrayed Jason in multiple Friday the 13^th sequels—and the kills he makes, while gory, aren’t that terrifying, because they’re presented so blatantly. In fact, really nothing about Hatchet is scary if you’re familiar with slasher movies, which is odd to me, because it seems to be playing specifically to fans of the sub-genre. The tone is hard to explain. It isn’t a full on horror comedy, but certainly doesn’t take itself too seriously, either. They don’t turn it into a spoof, but there are many jokes, purposefully funny lines, and some fun poked at horror clichés, yet it’s still played like a straight slasher flick. 

For me, Hatchet is a problematic slasher film, but still worth seeing, at least for the well-executed gore effects. It obviously has its devoted fans, for there exists three sequels, but as far as I’m concerned, the blunt presentation and unoriginal premise make it unlikely to achieve much of a cult status.