Movies I Wish I Had Seen in 2020 (Part 3: Book Adaptations & Originals)
I’m back for more made-up 2020 movies! Check out parts one and two for my other pitches on what would have been great to see in theaters this past year. This time I have book adaptations on the brain, as well as some original ideas.
Let’s start with an adaptation of the first book in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, The Gunslinger. You might be thinking, hey, wait a minute, I thought they already made a Dark Tower movie in 2017? That movie functioned as a sort-of-sequel to the books, which only confused fans and alienated audiences who had no idea what the books were all about. I just want a straight adaptation of The Gunslinger to start off the film series, which will be followed with the superior sequel The Drawing of the Three in 2022, the pretty-good-but-not-as-good threequel The Wastelands in 2024, then we skip the majority of the fourth book, which is all a flashback anyway, and save that for the cancelled TV series that ties in to the movies (book 4 would function better as its own thing, I think) then we do Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla in 2026, Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah for 2028, and conclude the decade-long run with the final installment, simply called The Dark Tower, in 2030, which also sees the release of a mini-series adapting the spin-off book The Wind Through the Key Hole.
Recently I watched Moana for the first time and found it pretty enjoyable. Then, not long after, I started reading a book I hadn’t read since grade five, Call it Courage by Armstrong Sperry, published in 1940. I remembered liking it, I could recall the basic plot (young boy from a small island in the Pacific becomes caught in a storm, stranded on an island, and has to make a canoe to escape), but what I had failed to remember was just how many references it had to Maui and Moana. It made me think we need to see a film adaptation of this story for modern audiences. It was made into a TV movie by Disney in the 1970’s, but I think either an animated version (perhaps in the tradition of Moana), or even a live-action version, would be incredible. The story even has positive messages, two cute sidekick animals (a dog and an albatross), and would be fit for the whole family, not just kids.
Rapid fire, here are a few other ideas I had:
- An original sci-fi film in the vein of The Thing or The Fly. I just love being creeped out by that type of body horror creature feature stuff, and when done with practical effects it’s even better (this year’s Colour out of Space was a pretty good addition to this sub-genre)
- An adaptation of the Portal video game directed by Dan Tractenberg (who broke into Hollywood with a pretty good Portal fan film) maybe starring Daisy Ridley. Or, it could be directed by my original choice who has worked with her before, J.J. Abrams, but NOT written by Abrams.
- Robocop vs. the Terminator. It’s been done in comics and video games, but let’s see it on film!
A big original idea I formulated with my cousin was around the time Eddie Van Halen passed away, but this idea was in good taste, not meant to be offensive. What if there was a new rock-and-roll-horror franchise called Eddie Van Helsing? The hero would be a rock band front liner and a monster hunter! His guitar would be in the shape of a cross, and it would fire wooden stakes. He’d have the classic rock apparel, and his nemesis, Drake-ula, would be trying to spread the evil of rap music to the rock world, but it’d be Eddie Van Helsing’s mission to stop him! We had a bunch of other little ideas, but unfortunately I didn’t write them down fast enough and they’ve slipped away into the aether.
In part 1, simply called “Clifford the Big Red Dog”…Emily’s school teacher is also the leader of the occult and begins teaching her the powers of Cthulhu. One night she accidentally summons Clifford. As dark powers begin confronting the town, her and Clifford work together to fight them off. This finally culminates with her and Clifford stopping her teacher after he is consumed by madness and attempts to bring Cthulhu to the mortal plane. In the battle, Emily is briefly killed, before being resurrected by the spirt of vengeance... that’s right, Emily becomes the ghost rider. With this power they are able to defeat her teacher and banish him to hell.
Part 2: “Clifford the Blood Red Dog” (note the title difference). Clifford and Emily continue to fight against the dark forces and return any lingering demons to the depths. However, Emily is only an 8 year old girl and her mental state is quickly declining as a result of the spirit of vengeance. She finally breaks and instead aims to slay the world. Clifford must stop this and is forced to kill Emily. Her death then opens a portal to the underworld, freeing all the darkest creatures of hell.
And finally, in part 3, called “Comrade Big Red”: Clifford is visited by the spirit of Stalin who informs him that the ghost of Hitler is attempting to build an army of Nazi ghosts (because what third movie isn’t complete without Nazis for villains). Clifford makes a deal with the devil that they will return Emily’s soul in exchange for all of those who escaped. The devil then gives Clifford the power of the spirit of vengeance to empower his champion. Stalin accepts the spirit of vengeance to bring equal justice upon all the demons. They then shred though the armies of darkness and return Hitler’s ghost to the underworld. Then Stalin returns himself to hell to free Emily’s soul. With the demons returned the hell portal closes and Emily can return to the mortal plane. Peace can finally return.
Well. If that isn’t the damnedest Clifford trilogy ever pitched, I don’t know what is.
It’s been a fun experiment toying with the idea of movies that might have happened in a year when hardly any of the prospective releases panned out. Hopefully we get some new real movies to have fun with in 2021. Happy holidays, readers, see you in the New Year.
